Mama's Thoughts and Other Stuff

Inside Protandim The Paul Myhill Interview | Blog Talk Radio

2011-08-25T09:55:00.000-05:00

Inside Protandim The Paul Myhill Interview Blog Talk Radio

Thoughts on Calendars

2011-07-06T16:45:00.006-05:00

From January to December so many things fill our days. A calendar is a journal of sorts, isn’t it? Recorded good things, challenges, fun times and more often than we’d like, sad times and tender memories. I thank God that my times are in His hands and I purposefully choose to make the most of what time has been given to me. As I flip through the pages of my calendar I see so many people, events and holidays to celebrate as they brush quickly through my mind. We joyfully look forward to so much and also remember many days gone by with the aid of a calendar. Calendars give vivid reminders of how fast life passes and how important it is to give our lives fully to the things that are eternally valuable. Certainly there are hair appointments, lunch with friends, errands, birthdays, anniversaries, funerals, doctor and dental appointments. Not to mention Christmas, Easter, and the 4th of July and vacations planned to give us refreshing rest and a plethora of family get-togethers. We busy ourselves with business meetings to build relationships with those who work with us, celebrate the birth of a new grandchild or the 80th birthday of a grandparent or two. Wouldn’t it be fitting to keep record of the blessings that surprise us from God’s own hand? He is so good and He has given us time. Time to love Him, learn from Him, see the beauty all around us that He created and to walk with Him as each day comes and goes. A calendar is a good thing, albeit a temporal thing, that helps us order our steps until time will be no more. Then eternity will be before us with no appointments to keep. Continual celebration and joy; joy unspeakable and full of glory… forever.

Another New Year ~ 2011

2011-01-05T12:32:00.004-06:00

How'd that happen?! Here we are in January of 2011 and 2010 blew by almost without my knowing most of the time. One day fades into another and before you can say "poop-poop-dee-doop" there is more gray hair, laugh lines, and it's a bit harder to get up off the floor than usual. I've been reading over some of my old posts about new beginnings, goals, and commitments. I could just kick a rock because of some of my failures and am actually somewhat pleased that I didn't completely fall out of the boat in other areas of this little life God has given on the timeline of history.

We're about to have kids in their forties come summer; have added another gran-girl, Miss Lexi Reese Waters, and have two more in preK and Kindergarten. Our oldest granddaughter, Allie Jill, is turning into a beautiful young woman at the age of 14 and I find it amazing to watch this pretty princess and all those coming along behind her grow, mature, and give so much joy to our family. We have budding artists, singers, song writers (Cooper), adventurers, seamstresses, jewelry crafters, athletes, chefs and probably doctors, lawyers, and merchant chiefs. Not to mention the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker... well, and the uh... barn-girl (Claire). God has blessed each one of our children and grandchildren with amazing gifts and talents and I pray that all will be developed and perfected for His glory as time continues to jet by at accelerated speed.

We praise God for good health, jobs, and opportunities to share our love for Him with others. Christmas came and went and was glorious chaotic fun, but Christmas cards and/or a New Year letter did not make it to the post office, so this will have to do and will hopefully be a blessing for the few who stumble across this scanty blog of mine. I rarely write, but had the urge today, so here it is, filled with news of unmet goals... again, hope for the future, and brimming with possibilities. I am in awe of being so loved and cared for by a Savior who gave everything to make a way for me ; the way for all who will embrace this Jesus I call Lord. I am also speechless at the blessing of family; every single person set into my life by God's design. We're perfect for one another within our imperfections, don't you think? My husband and children are some of my dearest friends and I can always count on them as points of accountability to help keep me from hypocrisy. My heart is to walk well through this life; loving Jesus, those who love Him and those who have yet to know Him. I still take a terrible tumble every now and then, but God heals, restores, and refreshes me by His Spirit and through His Word. Truly we are all a work in progress as we keep our eyes on the prize of His high calling and I find grace in Him and mercy that is new every morning. My confidence is in the God of the universe who stepped out in faith Himself to make man in His own image and I count it an honor and privilege to be called a child of the King of Kings.

One Step Forward... Sometimes

2010-08-03T16:38:00.002-05:00

August, hot and humid August! I figure since it's been about four months since I so courageously wrote of my dreams and goals for the future, I should shoot out an update. Journaling every few months is good, right? Especially since there is only me and maybe a couple others who might read my ramblings. Anyway, it does me good to lay my thoughts out on the table... so to speak. Back in January I began this purposeful journey toward 60 and that particular birthday is coming up in two days. I had high hopes of sitting with Jesus daily, devoting more time to him than sitting in front of a TV, paying off more debt, and losing more pounds before Friday, August 6, 2010. Well, the truth is, I have succeeded at a certain level and I have a long way to go as well. By June I was down to 134 lbs. from my heaviest weight EVER at 153. So VICTORY. YEA!!! I still do not consistently capture my thoughts; stay still in God's presence for extended periods of time each day, but I know He loves me and I just can't get over that. I am in awe sometimes that He even likes me. Truly, His love is all about what He has done and not His expectations for me to somehow qualify. Thank GOD! I am desperate for Him to deliver me from my own distractions.

We sent off our last truck payment and will now apply that amount to our next debt, so the snowball is snowballing and we can honestly see our way out of this self-made mess. So, though I've gained a few pounds over the summer, still have unmet goals, and so many dreams for the future, I am encouraged. It is one step forward and two back more than I'd like to admit, but some of our steps in the right direction are big ones and our hope is high. I resolve to follow Jesus with a passion regardless of whether or not I keep my focus. My scattered thoughts may pull me in fifty different directions, but I will ALWAYS run to Him with all my heart. I'm sure I'll write more later and may figure out how to post a picture of my gray hair and slimmer body, but for now and because it's 5:00, I must go.

His Work or Am I Dillusional?

2010-02-24T14:44:00.008-06:00

Psalm 139: 1-4

O Lord, you have searched me[thoroughly] and have known me.

You know my downsitting and my uprising;

You understand my thought afar off

You sift and search out my path and my lying down,

and You are acquainted with all my ways.

For there is not a word in my tongue [still unuttered],

but, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

I am seeking answers from You today Lord, so here are my questions; questions I know you are already familiar with. You know the answer I am searching for before I can put my thoughts in order to arrange my words toward Your ear. I miss my family. My children and grandchildren need me and I seem so unavailable. Am I working this 8:00-5:00 job in my own strength or is working here an act of obedience? Is it faith to stay until all my ducks are in a row before I spread my wings and fly or is it stepping out in faith to stop and go after what makes me most happy? Is what makes me most happy Your will or my own desire? One question leads to another, doesn't it; all the while wanting more than anything to be where You are Lord. Sweet relief... "Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these other things will be added to you." You are always my answer when there are questions. So Lord, are You saying that if I seek You I will find You and isn't it in You I live and move and have my being; in You I find abundance and joy unspeakable? Help me to remain in You and then run wherever it is you are going; whether within the walls of this job or in all the possibilities that seem to be waiting outside it. Be my first love today and satisfy me with all that You are. You do not give a spirit of confusion or fear; You bring peace and order to my life... simplicity, resting in Your presence, serving and loving those around me. Let it all be for Your glory alone. In my weakness and frailty I say... please help me to not miss what it is You are doing as the years go by. Help my unbelief. Where I am faithless in places I hold onto rather than trusting You, increase my faith to let go! God forbid that I would get up, go to work, eat, sleep and do this over and over as the sun comes and goes... until my spirit leaves my body to be no more on this earth! You've called me to first love You and in doing this I can be a blessing to my husband, children and grandchildren. I can be the friend and neighbor You have called me to be if I abide in You, can't I? Help me not lose sight of my life in You today.

The Beginning.... Again

2010-01-27T14:33:00.005-06:00

"Fresh" revelation is or can be, in part, the revealing of something you thought you already knew, only to find there is something deeper and more meaningful or more powerful than you had thought.... I think. Getting it... that God loves me is amazing in light of who He is and who I'm not. Knowing Him makes me feel safe and protected regardless of my circumstances.
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After a somewhat successful week last week where moving, dwindling in size, and staying in His presence are concerned, I jotted down a few things I felt God was speaking to me. Notice I didn't say 'perfectly' successful, but it's a start.

[I am accepted. God has called me to Himself and I gladly run to Him... out of darkness into His marvelous Light. "For the sake of Your great name, You will not reject Your people. You have been pleased to make me Your own."] (referring to I Samuel 12:22)

~

Sat. 1/23... Joy unspeakable as I work around the house today; all the while knowing I belong to the most high God. I walked 2 miles with Darrell in the ever increasing and getting colder wind. So much easier and enjoyable than the first day we walked last week. The scales tell me I am 149 lbs. and only last week I weighed in at 153. Woo-hooo!! Can that be true? Can simply walking a couple miles a day and eating better and less really make a difference? Evidently the answer is a cautiously excited "YES!" Be still my heart; stay humble and beware of putting your trust in the scales and/or your own efforts I say.

Here it is Wednesday, January 27th and I'm doing OK. We have walked a couple miles a day, but I'm feeling like we need to do more. Our refrigerator is broken and won't be fixed until the end of the week so buying groceries is on hold. My plan: decide on meals for the week ahead, look at recipes and buy groceries accordingly. I'll let you know how I do on this.

Embracing 60 With Guts and Grace

2010-01-22T16:57:00.004-06:00

At nearly 4:47 AM on this Friday morning, it came to me; hit me like a ton of bricks. You know, one of those lightning bolt moments or a bolt-you-out-of-bed instant where you know God is speaking and you better listen. One of those kind. It was like a dream only not. Something I knew to be true, had even dabbled in, but in all honesty had kept pushing aside and writing it on my mental "I'll-do-it-later-to-do-list" that was already laden with dust and cobwebs.

There are some things I want in this life, wish and hope for, but the bottom line is; praying my guts out for spectacular health in my "latter years" and maybe another mission trip before I die will not somehow single me out because I'm so special. My most sincere desire will not transform me into some kind of mid-life super woman without any effort, sacrifice or action on my part. I know this! This is nothing new; I think about losing weight every single day. I think about setting goals and taking steps toward them. I live in a fantasy world while watching "Biggest Loser" and eating Hershey bars and graham crackers for Pete's sake! I am not what the medical world would call obese; however, if I don't change my course, I'll get there. I know, I know; I've dipped my toes in exercise and good food so many times, but the fact is, time is running out and it is running fast as I add years to my life, so diligence is crucial.

Now for my jump-out-of-bed-suddenly revelation; a heaven-sent vision of what my future can be at the age of 60 if I will but cooperate. For the sake of accountability, I am going to blog a journal "out loud" regarding my journey from 153 pounds of fluff to a strong and healthy muscle-toned woman and put a stop to simply talking and... yes, sometimes whining about it. I am proudly going gray in this season of life and as a mother of four amazing adult children, grandmother (known as Gibbie) of the fabulous 9 and counting, I will be 60 years of age in August. Instead of trying not to think about my next birthday, I've decided to embrace the moment and live fully; spirit, soul, and body for God's glory and a new waistline to boot. I intend to have a blast doing it and may even get a camera so I can take pictures of my Aesics and my dwindling form to make my blog a bit more interesting. This is a much bigger story than losing flab let me tell you. It's God's story unfolding in me and I'm giddy with excitement over what He will surely reveal to me each day as I walk with with Him in obedience. I am expecting to write wonderful words of praise to my God during these next days and weeks or maybe I'll sometimes hear the quiet of his peace and write nothing. We'll see, but whatever He does in me will be perfect and good; whatever I do in my own strength or for vain glory will not. So my focus is on Him and my feet are headed out to faithfully put one in front of the other every day.

I don't know if anyone will read this or even give me a reassuring nod, although my sweet sleepy husband went to work-out with me at 6:00 this morning. What a great guy. My hope is we will be together in this thing that has dropped down into my heart and limbs. I invite you to step into your walkin' shoes as well and let me know how you are doing. I need the encouragement and you probably do too. I've taken off my rose-colored glasses and know without a shadow of a doubt that this is not going to be easy and will even be painful at times. There will be days I will wonder why in the world I opened my big mouth and told you that I have made this commitment, but commitment it is. No turning back! Whether we are 13, 30, 60 or 80; we have only one chance at life and one body to get us from here to there. God has plans for us that are good and not evil; plans to bless us with hope and a future. I say let's double-bow tie our laces so we won't stumble, stay in His presence, and hit the trail. There WILL be more to come on this subject.

Happy New Year ~ 2010

2010-01-07T16:24:00.003-06:00

I really am going to try to get this Happy New Year letter sent out, but I never know for sure and I may not have mailing addresses for everyone who may pass by my blogsite. So here are some meandering thoughts regarding time, trials and tribulations, and unspeakable joy. God bless you as you journey through 2010. Drat! I wish I had a photo of our Christmas tree to make this more enticing to read. Pictures always draw me in. Don't they do that to you?

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Well, picture this....

Twenty-ten…. WOW! Reminds me of Buck Rogers or Star Wars… kind of. And here we are; mostly the same since way back when, except for prices, gray hair, kids and grandkids. We still drive cars that roll across the ground instead of floating through the air, crops are planted and harvested, and fathers go fishing and hunting with their sons and daughters. Birthday parties consist of dress up and birthday cakes and the song remains the same since probably before our great-grans. Wars continue and babies are born. Nothing new under the sun, is there? Technology moves on with temptations to get addicted to email, facebook, and twittering, but really… aren’t relationships still dear and the challenges of life typically the same whether or not we discuss every tiny detail of our day with kindred spirits out in cyberspace? So much joy and some pain and it’s good to know others feel what we feel and pray when there is a need. Sharing life is what living in community is about; just never dreamed it would happen through the internet instead of with neighbors who live on the same block. Life is full of the ordinary and the surprising, isn’t it?

OK, so I was going to sign a few Christmas cards on December 28th, three days after Christmas. Obviously I didn’t get that done. Confession: I’ve had the cards, stamps, and a pen since Thanksgiving; even sent a few but never could really step into that get-up-and-go Christmas spirit, so here I am, trying to put my thoughts into words with a cheerful expectancy for whatever the future holds. I love Christmas mind you; have enjoyed special moments with friends and family as we sat around Christmas trees… theirs and ours… with flickering fires and many cups of hot spiced tea and chocolate. Our happy Christmas house became even more sparkly with press-on snowflakes stuck to windows, mirrors and even the aquarium… not that the fish cared. It was quite odd after awhile, I thought, that I would do something so quirky. Those glittering plastic snowflakes did help our fantasy of a snowfall since snow in Central Texas is rarely realized. The cold white fluff made a brief appearance in early December accompanied by squeals of delight, only to see both disappear as quickly as gentle flakes made impact with the ground. Yet we still hold tenaciously to the hope that snow could blow in with a cold winter storm before spring. Time will tell.

Christmas this year was one of those “different” kinds. You know, the kind empty nesters face on occasion when children get married and have to share holidays with their ‘second’ families. This was our year to be without the pitter-patter of little feet, but we did all get together at Allan and Em’s the Saturday before Christmas for our Selke feast and festivities. Fun was had by all. Really! Four kids, their spouses, and 9… yes, I said NINE grandchildren. There are now 19 of us and counting. No babies in the oven that I am aware of, but you never know when another one will pop up and start growin’. The cherished family photo didn’t happen because our sweet Jack (almost 10 year old) sadly, was sick that day. He and his daddy, Corey, drove over to pick up their gifts, so the fam. ran out to their van to sing “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” while Jack, still in his pj’s, tried to smile. The neighborhood children who were playing outside ran down to see what in the world these crazy people were doing. I saw Jack’s little chin begin to quiver and tears predictably came…mine, not his. He so much wanted to be with his big family for Christmas. I hugged him anyway despite the threat of viruses. The only thing I could do when a hug from the heart was certain to be more help than any medicine. We told him how much we loved him and heard later that he started feeling better and was enjoying his Legos, wii game, and remote helicopter among other treasures. What a day! Kinda like lighting a sparkler on the Fourth of July; suddenly it’s gone, over, ends with a screeching halt. Someone posted on facebook the other day, a quote I’ve had to remind myself of a lot… “Don’t cry because it’s over; rejoice because it happened.” I think this was said by Dr. Seuss or someone. Anyway, food for thought… I thought.

Our blessings in 2009 far outweigh any reason we could possibly have found to whine, cry, or complain. We were and are surrounded by friends and a family who love us and a God who holds us in the palm of His hand. He continually proves Himself faithful and trustworthy even when our world seems to fall apart. The intricacies of His protection, healing, guidance and wisdom were tangibly displayed in a huge event our family faced in late September and the miracle of God’s grace and mercy continue even now as Darrell recovers from double by-pass heart surgery; a shocking turn of events to put it mildly. He and all of us were brought to our knees that hot September day when he went down at football practice, took a trip to the ER where… to make a long story short… a major blockage was found too risky to stent. On September 23rd, covered in prayer from head to foot, Darrell was rolled into surgery where the artery that was giving him heck was by-passed with two healthy veins and we rejoice. A scar, of course, remains to daily remind us of God’s grace; a visual declaration of His loving-kindness that is better than life. God’s Word and His very presence creates and restores life to us in every detail now and forever. We saw the manifestation of God’s love casting out all fear when fear was closing in like a stormy black night. We saw His provision when we couldn’t even think what it was we needed. Friends and family surrounded us with listening ears, prayers, food, and hugs galore. I would never wish to go through something like this again, for Darrell or anyone dear to me… EVER, but in the middle of it all we saw God move and hold us and speak to us with more clarity than we had ever known. He is good and that’s the bottom line, isn’t it? God’s care is perfect; His timing precise and “there is no shadow of turning in Him”.

My prayer for you in 2010 is that the dreams of God’s heart would be realized; that He would be glorified through your life and you would know Him; sensing the reality of His presence more than ever. I believe God is calling to all of us, “Draw near to Me and I will draw near to you! I Am, and I am already there.” His plans of hope and blessing are attainable if only we will open our arms to let Him hold us in His.

…Ephesians 5:15-17

Sunsets and such...

2009-11-17T14:19:00.003-06:00

Sometimes while writing to a dear friend, I find myself thinking; "Now wouldn't this be a good blog entry?" Such is the case with my latest musings over the beauty of a sunset....

It's those little moments that make life so special, don't you think? Living in the country where our cozy cottage faces the West, we so enjoy the most beautiful sunsets. My sweetheart and I sometimes sit on the tailgate of his truck and look out beyond the open field across the road. There in the distance tiny sparkling lights begin to twinkle above the treeline that runs along the Brazos River. The sunsets are exquisite as the day says 'good-bye' and night says 'hello'. I never get weary of the brilliance of changing colors; oranges, pinks, and yellows behind the gray and white of drifting clouds. Reality thrills my heart as I hear, "Be still and know that I am God"... as we sit quietly together watching beauty, created by the hand of God. Lovely sunsets.

Pondering My Own Thoughts Again

2009-10-28T11:13:00.002-05:00

Written in 2007

God Speaks To A Hungry Heart...

After our discussion about prayer last night during lifegroup, I was troubled and wondering. It seemed so many were floundering; not knowing what the will of God is in light of our own or other people's painful circumstances. So much heartache in the world around us and frustration that we are many times unable to make a difference through prayer. As I have been seeking God these past few weeks on this very subject; asking Him to examine and convict my heart of any nook or cranny that is not fully surrendered to Him; I believe He is showing me, at least on a personal level, some things about my walk of faith with Him. His Word is His will and if that is true, then we can not dispute what He says. We cannot put more faith in even a good man's experience rather than in God's Word that He "exalts above all His name", can we? He says, "I wish above all things that you would prosper and be in health even as your soul prospers." He says, "Lay hands on the sick and they WILL recover." Why aren't they recovering?! Saying that sometimes God is in cahoots with the enemy and that it is His will to kill, steal, and destroy to teach us a lesson just does not cut it for me. That does not bear witness in my spirit. I don't know all the answers, but I do know that in the fogginess of my heart and mind within this imperfect state in which I find myself; I am persuaded that if there are any flaws; they are mine, not God's. I see that truly, by the love of Him who lives in me that I must NEVER stop crying out to God for folks who are sick and hurting. How can we? We must never stop expecting to see miracles in this lifetime. I'd rather step out on the water with Jesus, sink, and let Him help me up again than to never step out at all. There's just nothing new under the sun, is there? Believers have struggled with the subject of faith since the beginning of time. Let me just say; I'm so glad I have people to walk with who genuinely seek to know more; who passionately desire to walk with Jesus intimately and are open to hearing Truth even if we thought we knew and understood, only to find out we didn't. God is breaking down walls, growing us up, purifying our hearts, and raising us to another level with Him in our faith I believe. I find myself wanting to be more committed than ever, but wondering if I've got the guts to sacrifice my time, energy, resources, my agenda; my question to myself is... Will I, in fact, die to my flesh in order to see the face of God? Will I put aside those things which so easily beset me in order to walk in His miraculous power and love and then share what He has given with others? Will I be humble enough to let go of my own thoughts or the teachings of good well-meaning people who may even love Jesus; in order to allow the Spirit of God to teach me Himself? Those are the questions I am asking myself today. So, I am encouraged. God is my strong tower; my help in times of trouble and when I do not understand, He carries me and draws me close to His heart. A friend who I have known for nearly thirty years and who has voiced these same struggles, emailed me just yesterday and shared a scripture from Hebrews 11:13 which brings life into perspective I think, "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth." We are passing through, aren't we? We will stand in faith because God is, not because we necessarily see with our eyes or touch with our hands. We walk with expectation of His manifested wonders, but are content to just be in His presence. Joy and blessing come even in the midst of the storms that rage around us, don't you think?

[*Oh my, how relevant these thoughts continue to be, and I'm still learning; still trusting and growing in my faith more than ever.]

Splendor In The Storm

2009-10-26T10:29:00.007-05:00

Life seemed to shatter, yet hope was already on it's way... hope was already there before we were. I always pray, "Thank You heavenly Father that You know the beginning from the end and nothing ever takes You by surprise." This is not true for those of us in human form, is it? Our family has lived in a somewhat trauma-free environment compared to many families and we never wanted to consider the possibility of the shock that hit us in the face like a tsunami a little over four weeks ago. We've been through many personal storms in our lives and marriage, but nothing like the heartache that came on September 21, 2009.

It seemed to be a regular day; work was predictble and what a beautiful fall that had warmed up to a summery-like day. A couple of co-workers and I had made the commitment to start walking after work at least three times a week and that Monday afternoon was perfect. Little did I know what was taking place across town with my precious husband at football practice. I finished my walk and decided to call my parents on the way home to see how they were doing. Mom and I chatted light-heartedly until I drove up into the driveway. It was a good conversation and I was so thankful to hear that both mom and daddy were doing well. At 80 years of age, they are completely independent, of sound mind, and are remarkably well other than a few hurting parts. We can't help but keep a close check on them as they get older, but what a blessing I thought that day, that they are well. As far as I knew sickness or tragedy was the farthest thing from my reality for Darrell and me or our kids and grandkids. Everyone was doing well, weren't they? As I came into the house after my drive home my cell phone rang; my static-y, sometimes not-working-so-well cell phone. All I could hear after saying "hello" was "husband-ER-Hillcrest" with static all in between. I said, "MY HUSBAND?!" and my phone disconnected. Quickly I made myself think one of his players must have been injured during practice, but a sick feeling in the deepest part of me knew it was Darrell. Then before I could even process anything, my phone rang again and it was our pastor's secretary, Mary. She said, "Jeannie, we're just trying to find out what happened to Darrell." My hands began to shake and my mind reeled as this nightmare began to unfold right there in my living room and I was all alone. This can't be happening. Mary, stop talking; I need to not let this be happening. I can't take this in right now or EVER! I just said, "I don't know what has happened. No one has told me anything. What do you know?" "We think he's had a heart attack".... we think he's had a heart attack, a heart attack, a heart attack. Can you just stop talking?!! This is NOT true. I know what you are saying is not true. How can you tell me something this horrible? My thought process was bizarre. I started crying and Mary asked if someone could come get me. NO, I can't wait for someone to come get me. I must go NOW!! Where's my purse? I can't find my purse. Call Coby. I don't want to call my kids. They don't need to hurt like I am hurting, but I called my son. My emotions are unleashed and I tell him those awful words, "They say that Daddy is having a heart attack and they've taken him to Hillcrest Hospital, but I can't find my purse." Good grief! Who cares about a purse? My driver's license, my insurance card. Who cares? Nothing matters except that this cannot be true. I want my husband, the love of my life to be all right. He has to be all right! I head out with keys and cell phone, shaking, crying, praying and not able to think of words to pray. Thank God He knows what is in my heart! God help us!! My phone rings again and it's Amy. I'm still crying, driving with God's grace at the wheel. Now, I've given two of my kids something ELSE to potentially worry about and I know nothing to help them where their daddy is concerned. They comfort me as I drive and somehow I get to the hospital and run to the ER. My mind is in flight and I feel dizzy as I am led back to where I see my husband lying there with heart monitor all over the place and IV. Thankfully, he is not alone. Our pastor and two other coaches are with him; he smiles and I see him get a little choked up as he sees me and sees the fear that has wrapped it's ugly tentacles around my heart. I go to him and try to hug him amid the wires and I am encouraged at the sight of him. Coby comes a few minutes later and we are all talking about how maybe this whole incident happened because of dehydration and exhaustion. It had turned from fall to summer temps that day, so surely it wasn't his heart, but had to be the heat and the fact that he had been running scout team quarterback because he could or thought he could. Yes, that's it; just the heat and overexertion; we'll go home in a little while and he'll drink more water, eat better, exercise and so will I. We'll both get in better shape like we've been talking about for the last decade. Relief settles and then the cardiologist comes in with a copy of the read-out of Darrell's EKG. Stress test in the morning the ER doc had suggested, and another enzyme test had to be completed so we knew he'd stay overnight by now, but we thought that was just more hospital protocol; nothing that had to do with us; nothing to worry about. Dr. Garrido had more sobering news. He said there were a couple of little 'blips' on the EKG that he was not pleased with; wanted to look more closely and scheduled a heart cath. Still, just something more to confirm that Darrell is totally well; just needs to get back in shape. A wake-up call for our whole family, that's all. I notice our pastor and the coaches step out into the hall to talk, so I go out too. Their faces are serious and they invite me into their conversation. One of Darrell's volunteer coaches is also a doctor and he is saying words like 'blockage and stints'. "Worse case scenario" they say, "is we need to prepare for the game in case Darrell can't be there." I'm thinking, "Let's get in faith here. Of course, Darrell will be at the game. He just needs to get hydrated and he'll be fine. And even if he has to have a stint, the recovery is quick, isn't it?" We move up to a room on the sixth floor and after visiting for awhile and convinced that nothing serious is wrong, we decide it would be better for me to go home, sleep in a real bed and be refreshed when I come up for the heart cath. My sleep is restless, I pray and am committed to trust God no matter what. All is well with my soul; I am peaceful. I am peaceful! Yes, sometimes peace comes to our hearts in the darkest place of a storm, not just when it's over.

Tuesday came and Amy and her family were there along with Coby and his. Sara and Emily waited at home since we were sure at the most, their daddy would have a heart stint, but most likely all would be clear with a lecture about eating a more healthy diet. No more Dr. Peppers and daily M&M's along with Bush's Chicken. Yes, our lifestyle needed tweaking, but it would mostly go on as usual and our nightmare was about to end, wasn't it? They came for Darrell and I had a few tears and we waited. Coby, Amy and her kids and I went downstairs to eat breakfast, which had a lot to be desired where breakfasts are concerned, but it gave us something to do. Funny the things we remember in stressful situations; an awful breakfast and then life shattering news. The irony of it all. We waited in a little conference room for Dr. Garrido and he came to explain the heart cath. went well, but he had seen some concerning images. He showed us a video of Darrell's heart where a main artery was 60-70% blocked and there was 50% blockage as well on down that same artery. I think, how interesting this is, while simultaneously the reality of what he's about to say dawns. Open heart by-pass surgery and Darrell already knows and we're not with him. We are all led back to the heart cath. room and I see my husband cry. My heart is breaking for him and I feel helpless and no words come. I remember laying over him with our faces touching side to side and we cry together with no words. I finally say something like, "It's going to be OK. They can fix this and that's a good thing." Oh to be able to comfort his fear in some way. Lord help us! ... and He does, every step of the way. This is not what we wanted to hear, but God was already there and His ways are perfect in the middle of our imperfections. Coby and Amy were amazing! Coby was able to talk intelligently to the guys who work in the heart cath. lab and they were so kind and compassionate as they explained everything. The good news was that Darrell did not have a heart attack. His heart muscle was very good, but the worst part of the blockage was where the artery actually goes into the aorta so a stint was too risky. They called that kind of blockage "The Widow Maker" and I resented such a term being spoken into my ears or in the room where my family was sitting. In fact, I cast those cursed words down in the name of Jesus and declared my husband's healing in whatever way it was to come. Darrell was being healed because Jesus paid the price for it to be so and I was standing on that promise from I Peter 2:24 with all that was in me and I wasn't budging one iota. After Darrell was moved up to his room on the sixth floor, he got a somewhat good meal and we waited for Dr. McBride, our surgeon, to come talk to us about the upcoming surgery. We liked him from the beginning and decided that he and Dr. Garrido were two of our new heros. Darrell asked McBride if this surgery was really necessary since he actually felt good; it was football season and he had a game to go to on Friday. Dr. McBride said, "I'll tell you this. Your surgery is urgent enough that we won't let you go home until we fix this." 'Nuff said. The doctor also said that they would work his surgery in the next evening... EVENING?!! All day to have to think about it; a doctor who is tired by that time, but enough time for our youngest daughter, Emily, to arrive to hug her daddy before he left for the OR. Our pastor came again and prayed with us and Mark Wible who is one of the pastors at Highland and the TCA basketball coach came every day. People were calling and praying and loving us from the time Darrell got sick on the football field, all the way through; every step of the way through this hard place for any family to walk. Again, another restless night as I thought and prayed. Sara had come the evening of the 22nd and after talking for awhile we all went to bed. Around 4:00 on Wednesday morning, I couldn't sleep and then I thought how nice it would be to get to the hospital before anyone else so Darrell and I could spend some time with just the two of us before his surgery. I needed to cuddle up with him where we could put our arms around each other and I wanted to pray over him. This would not happen; God is more than enough and we saw the reality of this over and over again. At 4:30 am the phone rang, but I was in the shower. Sara answered and then knocked on the door and yelled, "They have moved dad's surgery up to 7:00 am. We have to hurry if we're going to see him before they come for him at around 6:30." Let's just say, there was a flurry of activity in the Selke house and with damp hair and no makeup I was in the car and driving toward the hospital before 5:30. We did not have our cuddle time, and the saddest thing was that our Emily, though driving as fast as she dared, could not get there before 7:00 and did not get to love on her daddy before he left his room that day. They talked on the phone and he said, "See you in a couple days." She could barely drive because of her tears. God sees the big picture though, doesn't He? Darrell was able to get his surgery overwith and not have to think about it for a whole entire day, the surgeon was fresh with a clear mind and steady hand, and looking back we see how God's favor and blessing; His loving-kindness was moving and this September day was full of blessing. Even Emily was ultimately happy that we didn't have to wait all day for the outcome. My sweet friend, Teresa, came and spent the morning with us in the waiting room, a friend from Amy's high school church camp days brought breakfast, and friends and family stopped by, called, and were praying during the surgery and every day while Darrell was in ICU. We saw the love of Jesus in action through the Body of Christ whether near or far away. The surgery went well, what was broken got fixed, but the pain was not over for my dear husband. He doesn't remember the agony...praise God, but we saw glimpses of it and his suffering almost brought me to my knees on one occasion. Without the comfort of my children and friends like Teresa and Judy, I'm not sure how I could have endured; especially that first day after surgery. Another friend, Tammy, brought food for our whole family so we could just heat it up for dinner and some of our lifegroup friends stopped by just so they could listen, hold us and pray for us. There were friends of Coby's who we had never met and they came to sit with him and us. They just cared and caring meant so much. Nieces and nephews came by or called to check on us and all the hospital staff from administrators to nurses were attentive and compassionate. I will never forget their care for one of the dearest treasures of my life.

Improvement has come daily during the last four weeks with only one major glitch on a Sunday afternoon, but even that was quickly resolved and we are seeing the reality of healing and comfort and renewed strength. "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me [us] all the days of my [our] life." "Surely, I will see His goodness in the land of the living." ... And I have!

A Peace-filled Morning...

2009-09-15T12:19:00.004-05:00

Before I tell about being overwhelmed with peace, I will first tell you... well, I'll tell anyone who might listen... about the struggle and my ongoing questions. I actually wrote this last Saturday while spending time in worship and surrounded by God's beautiful creation.

Why this continuing struggle when I know the answer to it all? ... at least I know Him who IS the answer, yet at this remarkable young age of 59 I stumble at times like a little girl. I stumble often; pulled among the choices, chores, and desires that constantly bombard my mind. So here I am on a Saturday morning. I could get ready for the day... you know; hair, makeup, clothes... make the bed, start the laundry, etc. etc. The list could go on and on for this wife/mom/Gibbie/housekeeper/yard woman who is passionate about making a house a home, with a desire... a frustrated NEEEED to be all she can be and never attaining that goal. There is a wonderful Women's Conference in town this weekend that I thought I would go to, but in truth, the excitement was never there for some reason and I was thinking, "What's wrong with me?" This is a conference that has been prayed over and planned for, for months in advance. Thousands of women have braved the storm; this deluge of excessive rain, in order to get to our city, yet I did not choose to be involved.

Life got in the way;

or did God have something different for me today?

So, here I am on the back porch... rather content and with joy I write what is bubbling in my heart. What might have been hasn't happened and that's OK. In my mind, before today, I should have been part of the prayer team interceding and prayer walking concerning what is hoped to be the beginnings of a great revival; a turning back to God in our city. At one point I had visions of all my girls worshipping together with me; with hungry hearts and an anticipation for what and how God would move... Freeze that frame and put an X across it with the sound of screeching brakes. That is NOT what is going on today, but maybe... at least in my own personal life and world, I'm thinking, "Could it be something greater and more intimate?" My girls, like me, are seeking God, walking with Him and living life as best they know how for His Glory. None of us are perfect at this, but we press on, and we press on usually without each other in the same picture. So, all that to say, here I am with the dogs and the pigeons; listening to the whistle of an occasional train right smack dab in the middle of an incredible morning and God is here; right here with me! Isn't that something? His presence at this very moment is astounding and real. Lord, help me to enjoy Your presence, Your friendship and Your Lordship in this quiet moment. Let everything else fade away except You, for You are my first love; You are the One I run to with my stumbling, loneliness, and inadequacies. I lay all my "stuff" down because I see You and I want to run full blast into Your arms with NOTHING in mine. I want to embrace You without the weight of any of the clutter that surrounds me. Here I am on the back porch and I see You Lord; I sense You in the fragrance of the rain and in the feel of the soft breeze this morning. I see the beauty of Your holiness in that Oak tree right in front of me. Hummingbirds speak of Your perfect care with the buzz of their tiny little wings. They drink from the flowers on a meandering vine You created just to feed them and for my pleasure. I am at peace and I now know that I wouldn't have missed our morning together for anything in the world Jesus. I can rejoice in what You are doing a few miles away in a conference among thousands and I can rejoice in what You have done in my heart... right here on my back porch in Your presence. I am blessed.

Trying to Keep It Simple...

2009-05-26T14:11:00.002-05:00

We all long to learn simplicity; how to prioritize, bring order to our homes and lives in general. I read this today and thought what practical wisdom for walking out simplicity with meaning and productivity in our daily lives. Certainly something I feel God is speaking to His Body in these days. Enjoy and... "Let's Keep It Simple"... or at least give it shot.

1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say "No" to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the "Kid" in YOU everyday.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "Thank you Jesus."
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best
they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before. GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.
"If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)

50 Random Things About Me

2009-05-06T14:50:00.002-05:00

1. What color is your toothbrush? Teal
2. Who made you smile today? Darrell, my sweet husband.
3. What were you doing at 8am this morning? Driving into the parking lot at work.
4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Just getting back to work from lunch at home.
5. What is your favorite candy bar? Most anything that is dark choc.
6. Have you ever been to a strip club? No way, NEVER...never WILL go to one either! I pretty much HATE them!
7. What is the last thing you said aloud? "Who signed for that package and didn't deliver it to Kevin?" (found the package!! YEA!)
8. What is your favorite ice cream? I'm not much of an ice cream eater, but choc. mint is yummy
9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Water, of course.
10. Do you like your wallet? It's all right as far as wallets go. Doesn't fit in my purse that well, but I guess that could be because of all the other junk that's in there.
11. What was the last thing you ate? Gibbie juice (CranGrape juice, renamed by Claire-bear), almonds and a granola bar
13. The last sporting event you watched? Baylor basketball; guess I should go to some BU baseball games too one of these days.
14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Just plain ole popcorn w/tiny bit of salt
15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? I don't text, but I could if I wanted to. Good grief! I tried texting a couple times, but it takes too long and I'd rather just talk to the person which is much more relational and personal in my opinion.
16. Ever go camping? Yes. I love it! Especially in the mountains...but anywhere pretty will do... I agree with Sara. Haven't been camping in years though. Maybe it's about time.
17. Do you take vitamins daily? No, but I'm thinkin' about it.
18. Do you go to church every Sunday? Every Sunday that we can
19. Do you have a tan? No, but I'll probably get a little toasty the more I get on that riding lawnmower this summer.
20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? Definitely Chinese
21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? I don't drink sodas that much, but yeah, I like straws.
22. What did your last text message say? Didn't have one.
23. What are you doing tomorrow? Listen to music, straigthen the house, work, sit on my porch swing, love on the dogs (better known as "the girls"), read. What a life, huh?
25. Look to your left, what do you see? A rack of Baylor athletic posters
26. What color is your watch? Gold and silver
27. What do you think of when you hear Australia? Crocodiles, kangaroos and koalas
29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Mostly the drive thru window
30. What is your favorite number? 4 because that always reminds me of my children.
31. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone? Irma
32. Any plans today? Have a nice dinner (I put chicken in the crock pot during my lunch hour; yummy!) and go to Lifegroup.
33. How many states have you lived in?Texas, Iowa, New Mexico, Oklahoma; so that would be four.
34. Biggest annoyance right now? The disco music on my co-worker's computer and having a hurt back. However, it's tons better than it was this morning. Thank the Lord!
35. Last song listened to? That darn disco music. :0)
36.Can you say the alphabet backwards? No but I admire those who can.
37. Do you have a maid service clean your house? No, but I have a sweet friend who helps me sometimes.
38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? Hmmmmm.... I don't like shoes, but I guess my sparkly flip flops would be the closest thing to a fav.
39. Are you jealous of anyone?No. I hope not! I used to struggle with that... alot, but then the eyes of my understanding were enlightened and I realized that God Himself loves ME and He has a hope and a calling on my life that is unique and personal; He has given me gifts and a personality unlike anyone else. Every person is special and God doesn't have favorites, so why should I?
40. Is anyone jealous of you? I don't know. I hope not.
41. Do you love anyone? Yes! Oh my, yes!
42. Do any of your friends have children? Most of them
43. What do you usually do during the day? I go to work daily, but I try to make sure work is not my life. I enjoy puttering around my house and yard, spending time with my hubby and friends on occasion. Darrell is a daily treasure for sure.
44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? Absolutely not!
45. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? Yes.
46. What color is your car? white- 1998 Camry
47. Do you like cats? Yes, I adore them, but I can't have one because of allelrgies. If we didn't have dogs I would have some yard cats. At least I could pet them if I washed my hands right away afterward.
48. Are you thinking about someone right now? Well not David Spade for Pete's sake. That is hilarious Sara. I'm thinking about Darrell since I just talked about him.
49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Yes, I LOVE Six Flags! I used to love Roller coasters, but they jar my joints too much now. I don't like the lines though, so since we can't really enjoy roller coasters, we haven't been in years.
50. How did you get your worst scar? I guess that apendectomy in second grade. I was sure proud of it at the time though. Got alot of pampering and my classmates treated me like a celebraty for awhile.

ABC's about me... yeah, why not?

2009-04-24T09:31:00.002-05:00

A - Age: 58
B - Bed size: Queen
C - Chore you hate: Our GARAGE!!! Lord have mercy!
D - Dog's name: Two abandoned 'girls'; Smiley and Flower. Loved your answer Em. :0)
E - Essential start your day item: Jesus time and sitting on the backporch drinking coffee with my hubby
F - Favorite color: Orange... just kidding. I love purple and dark pink (thinking of flowers here), but all colors are so gorgeous, aren't they?
G - Gold or Silver: both, but mostly silver
H - Height: 5' 1"
I - Instruments you play: not a darn one; wish I played guitar and piano
J - Job title: Wife,Mom, Receptionist, Housekeeper, Yard Maintenance worker, etc.
K - Kid(s): 4 + 4 more + 9... Coby, Amy, Sara, Emily; their spouses Adrielle, Corey, Beau, Allan; my grandkids... Skyler & Chloe, Allie, Jack, & Cooper, Asher & Ainsley, Claire & soon to be born Jacob.
L - Living arrangements: Happily married living in a quaint little country cottage in Central Texas
M -Mom's name: Winona Faye, sometimes known as Nonie, Honey, Mom, Grandma or GG
N- Nicknames: Durlin' to my sweet husband
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: I had an appendectomy when I was in second grade.
P - Pet Peeve: Profanity, especially using our Lord's name in vain; whoever is driving NOT using their turning light to change lanes or to turn a corner; trying to talk to someone who is staring at their Iphone or computer or will not turn off their phone when they are supposed to be having a nice meal with me.
Q - Quote from a movie: "What we have here is a failure to communicate." from Cool Hand Luke, and "I can't swim." "... the fall's gonna kill ya." from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
R - Right or left handed: Left
S - Siblings: 2 sisters, Stella and Maxine
T - Time you wake up: Usually around 5:00 to 5:30ish
U- Underwear: None of your business, although I thought you answer, Em, was hilarious!
V - Vegetable you dislike: Cooked spinach; can hardly stand to look at it.
W - Ways you run late: Like this morning... slept a little late, but still put the coffee on, then had to start the dishwasher of course. It was trash day, so had to gather up all the trash, there were sheets in the washer and dryer, so had to take care of that and get the dryer going again; was getting cloudy, so had to close the windows and then I noticed the crumbs still on the countertop so cleaned that up and made sure everything was in place there. Made my bed, tried on a couple sets of clothes, fed the dogs, turned off the fountain and finally headed to work. Was about 7 minutes late.
X- X-rays you've had: feet and neck
Y - Yummy food you make: Homemade mac 'n cheese, Chicken Enchiladas, Banana Pudding, Amy's company potatoes
Z -- Zoo favorite: I guess it would be the Ft Worth Zoo if I could go there. I've seen wonderful pictures of that zoo from my daughters who sometimes visit with their playgroup, but zoos usually make me sad when I see lions and tigers pacing in lovely cages, yet cages nonetheless. When I see a majestic Eagle without room to soar I could cry for them. I know some of these animals have been rescued and may not be able to run free or fly high above the trees, so that is somewhat comforting that at least they are safe.

Feel free to join in the fun on Facebook or your blog

My First-Born; My Son

2009-02-10T08:49:00.008-06:00

What a great idea to go back in time and remember the birth of my first child; my only son, Coby. He is an incredible blessing in my life, in the life of our family, and in the lives of the people who touch his.

1. WAS YOUR FIRST-BORN PLANNED? No, but what excitement when we found out at the Doctor's office. No home prego tests back in that day. His daddy was in shock and the thought of having a baby was like walking in a dream for a little while until Coby's presence became more evident.

2. WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION? I was VERY excited! I think we just called our families. Creativity in announcing important happenings weren't as prevalent in the 70's.

3. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 19

4. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? Went to the doctor for a pregnancy test because of obvious and traditional reasons.

5. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? Our parents.

6. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? Finding out the sex of a child before they were born was unheard of.

7. DUE DATE? I can't remember the exact day, but it was the middle of August. He came two weeks later on August 27, 1971

8. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? Never; praise God! I got huge and was uncomfortable, but was never sick.

9. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? I don't remember any cravings, but that doesn't mean there weren't some.

10. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? People counting up the months to see if we'd been married over 9 months by the time Coby was born. Grrrrr.... I got pregnant after being married six months which is really sooner that what we had thought would happen, but really... how rude to be so nosey I thought.

11. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? A beautiful boy... others thought he had a cone-head, but I thought he looked perfectly beautiful from the moment he was layed up on my chest and I touched his tiny hand. Touching him was not allowed back then, but I did it anyway since they granted my request and didn't tie my hands down. How barbaric!!! Can you imagine?

12. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? Not at all. We would have been delighted with either and instantly loved our little boy.

13. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? 30ish

14. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? Not that I remember. There were friends and family who gave gifts, but not a shower.

15. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?

16. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? None, except that I didn't get to go to FR that year (Family Reunion in Colorado). I sat by our front screen door after my mom and dad left for CO and cried.

17. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? Just about 12.

18. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? Darrell, but the hospital was just down the street; we could have walked if it weren't for those darn contractions.

19. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? The doc and a couple nurses

20. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? We went to Lamaze classes and though we did not have the support of any medical staff or family, we were able to do this up to a point. When I got so tired I wanted to give up and go home; stay pregnant for the remainder of my life, I was talked into taking Demerol which only helped in between contractions. I looked like a peaceful child sleeping every couple minutes until another contraction would hit. Lord have mercy!

21. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? Yes, see above. It did not help the pain in my case.

22. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 7lbs. 11oz.

23. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN ? 3:34 PM on August 27th.

24.WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Coby Lee; 'Coby' was a name that his Daddy thought was cool even before we met. He wanted to name a son 'Coby' because he thought it sounded like a good name for an athlete. 'Lee' is his daddy's middle name.

25. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY? 36 1/2 years. Amazing!!

There's a Lady I Know...

2009-01-09T09:45:00.003-06:00

People here and people there; people from the past and some in our present. Family, dear friends, and some who brush through our lives for only a moment. Then there are some who impact our lives forever and there is one in particular I would like to write about today. I will not use her name, but this is a wonderful story that is unfolding even now. A story of a childhood filled with neglect and abandonment; abuse and heartache sometimes too horrible to mention. Yet the love of God pursued her. Even when she would push Him away because she had learned to trust no one, not even God, He showed up at different times and she was briefly aware of Him. She would say 'NO' and go her own way and her own way led to more tragedy, sorrow, and a hunger for love and acceptance that hurt so bad she wondered what the reason for living could possibly be. She'd tried to end it all a few times, but that was in reality a cry for help. Help never seemed to come. I met my little friend a few years ago and was allowed 'a foot in the door' to her lonely life. She let me in, but not to stay. We lost touch for a time and reconnected in recent months. I find it amazingly wonderful how powerful the love of Jesus can be... will always be. I purposed in my heart to love this woman who had so much baggage that even together, we could not carry it all, nor did we want to. My prayer has been, "Lord, let her always see You in me. Let me decrease as You increase in her field of vision." Her tendency was to become dependent on me, but that could not be allowed. I am nothing without God and because of my own frailties and weaknesses, would be sure to disappoint her. "Lord, please let her see You, become dependent on You, know You as her friend who sticks closer than a brother. Lord please set her free to enjoy the fullness of who You have called her to be!" I did not want to be her only earthly friend. I am learning the importance of community myself. We desperately need a Savior, but we need each other as well, don't we? My sweet friend, who was trying to be so tough out of this survival mode she'd learned to live in, began to come to what we call Lifegroup with my husband and me. She let a few tears fall as she was overwhelmed at seeing such love; still she did not feel a part of that love or our small band of believers. How could she, without knowing the One who is love? We encouraged her to keep coming, made sure she had a Bible to read and we prayed.. and we prayed. My friend would stumble and fall back into her destructive lifestyle and could not believe we would still want to be her friend; that we would still 'take her back in'. What else could we do? Isn't that what Jesus would do? Isn't that what He did for all of us? Who are we to say that anyone is not worth loving and caring about? One night at lifegroup my friend voiced a desire to give her heart to Jesus. She asked Him to come into her life and we all knew things were about to change. We also knew that the enemy of our souls would try to steal everything good that had begun in her. Of course, that is exactly what happened. There is a battle of righteousness against evil, isn't there; always has been and always will be until the Prince of Peace Himself comes to earth to reign. Praise God He has already come within our hearts if only we'll let Him in. So, again, my friend felt like a loser. Her failure to live up to the standard she thought God required of her to earn His love, as she saw it, was just too big and she wanted to give up... again. But did she really want to give up? I don't think so, or she wouldn't have called to see what I would say about it. "Lord God!" I prayed, "Please give me Your wisdom, Your compassion and patience to invest into my friend's life as You would. Help her to see that your love does not rest on what she is capable of doing or accomplishing, but on Your very nature to love her unconditionally and without compromise." My faith has been stretched to the limit in recent weeks, but seeing the reward of this precious lady surrender her past, her present, and her future to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords has been and continues to be worth it all. This coming Sunday, we will baptize my little friend because she saw in her Bible that God asked her to do it as a sign of surrender to her old life and to be raised together with Him into her new life... "Translated out of darkness into His marvelous Light". We may not be able to change the world, but what a privilege to be instrumental in changing one life at a time. Surely, "every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord". And I say, "Here am I Lord, send me."

My Sara Princess

2008-12-15T09:45:00.006-06:00

My beautiful girl! A year older and more beautiful than ever... inside and out. Your birthday was yesterday and it is hard to believe time is passing so fast. I hope your day was wonderful and blessed in every way. I miss celebrating with you,but such is life. Seasons change, people/families move and grow. More precious relationships come into our lives and we just have to become flexible and find ways to celebrate each other whether we're in the same location or not, don't we? I wish I could post some of your little girl pictures to show the world how you've grown and changed; and in some ways have remained the same. Born a princess and you will always be a princess for sure. A woman after God's own heart; a worshipper of Jesus and a lover of people. Sara, you are such a wonderful daughter and you have become an incredible wife to Beau and amazing mommy to Asher and Ainsley.

They are beyond blessed to have you in their lives and your Daddy and I are so thankful God gave you to us to raise and love. We have learned much from you as you have grown in your relationship with Jesus over the years. Your gifts of mercy and hospitality are precious and have encouraged and blessed so many. Your choice to see the best in others is motivating and challenging and hopefully we do that better because we've seen such a great example of grace in how you live life.

Happy Birthday sweet princess. I love you and I pray this next year will be filled to the brim with the richness of God's abundance in every way.

My Sweet Girl

2008-12-04T12:09:00.005-06:00

Happy Birthday Amy Jeanne! You are not a little girl anymore, but you will always be my little girl. This picture reminds me so much of you. I think you've dreamed of being a mommy since you were old enough to cuddle your baby dolls and lining them up for nighttime prayers is something you would have totally done. This morning I've been remembering; thinking back as far as I can to enjoy your life journey this far. Truly every one of your birthdays brings to mind what a gift from God you are in my life Amy. I love you and you will always and forever be my sweet girl. I love the little girl you were and the beautiful young woman you have become. I love how you love your husband and children and all those around you. I love how you can make something ordinary so special and how people in your life feel treasured and valued by the things you do and the way you listen with a compassionate and caring heart. The gifts God has placed inside you are important and are making an eternal difference in so many lives Amy. I am beyond thankful for you and the choice you have made to love God and follow Him with passion, perseverance, and wisdom. I'm proud of the way you have resolved to uncompromisingly seek out God's best for your family; whether it's in the education of your children or honoring your husband in small and big ways on a daily basis. The way you minister to others is amazing... sitting with a grieving friend, adopting a family for Christmas, taking care of practical needs for a new mother or doing something fun and crazy with your girlfriends or siblings. Thank you for loving your family so well; all of us and Corey's family too. You are a precious daughter Amy Jeanne and I praise God that He gave you into my arms on an afternoon in December... not so very long ago it seems.

TWELVE YEARS OLD!!!

2008-10-31T09:54:00.004-05:00

This time thing... oh my gosh!! Our sweet Princess Allie Jill turns twelve today and I found myself praying for her as I drove from here to there; found myself loving her even more today than yesterday. When you were born Allie, we were all in awe of you; our first grandchild, first child, first niece. A new beginning for all of us as we stepped into this season of life... children again... and it proved to be more than wonderful having you around.... twelve years ago and every day up until now. As I prayed for you today, God gave a tiny glimpse into His heart for you, I believe. So many changes during pre-teen and upcoming teenage years and Allie, God wants you to know that He sees you and when He sees you He knows how special you are. He made you and there is no one like you. You are one of a kind and the plans God has for you are good and full of blessing and unique to fit the gifts and personality He has given to you. He is calling you to be fully His; walking and running the race set before you with Him! Imagine!! This is too wonderful, isn't it, but oh so true. You are His workmanship; a beautiful princess in His Kingdom and through the gifts He placed inside you since before you were born, He has plans for you that will bring such joy for both of you; and that will bring Him glory. Others will come to know Jesus because of His love in you Allie; they will better see the beauty of His holiness and the beauty of His creation. Allie, you have so much love in your heart to share with those around you and those who God will surely bring into your young life. You don't have to worry or be anxious about anything. God is working and takes pleasure in the thing He has begun in you. He is calling you and loving you right now my sweet granddaughter. I encourage you to look for Him as you go, while you sit, and even as you sleep. He's there with you all the time in the little things and in the things that seem so huge. Jesus loves you and I love you too.... so much. Happy Birthday!! Love, Gibbie

A Good and Heart Jumping Quote.... I Thought

2008-10-24T14:38:00.003-05:00

I heard a quote today; one of those that makes your heart jump, gives you goosebumps, and makes you know it is worth sharing with the people you love. You know, that kind. This is something I definitely want my granddaughters to nail down at an early age so they won't settle for anything less. So beautiful... "A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her." Of course, for my grandsons they will need to know that "A man should look for a woman who's heart is so hidden in Christ that he has to seek Him first to find her." As some of my grandchildren are getting older and looking outside their little worlds beyond immediate family, I am seeing even more the importance of teaching them God's ways and principles so that they might avoid the many pitfalls that are out there in the world around them ready to lure them in and away from what is good and True. This Gibbie's heart so much wants to see the children in her life run after Him with all that is in them. Afterall, the love of Jesus is what holds everything else together, isn't it?

Psalm 127:1,3-5

"Except the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain. ... Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. As arrows are in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. Happy, blessed, and fortunate is the man whose quiver is filled with them!"

Hmmmm... Right Now I Am....

2008-10-17T08:29:00.002-05:00

Here is the "tag your it..." recently started by Brook and Amy. Hope you all join in.

Right Now, I am:
feeling... good about my life
enjoying... this cool fall weather, pumpkins, and the resurgence of fresh flowers
wondering... if I'll ever get to really retire and feel good about it.
listening... to co-workers walk past my office space
drinking... yummy water
wanting... to get every room in my house clean at the same time.
loving... my husband more than ever before
looking... forward to moving into our new athletic facility on campus next month

Isn't It Ironic?... :O)

2008-10-16T09:27:00.004-05:00

Even though I was not "picked", I thought I'd play along anyway with the "Sixth Picture" game thing. I find it ironic that this is what I found... Allan and Emily on the bridge in Corey and Amy's old neighborhood! Well, don't that just beat cha? :0) Just kidding Em. It's really OK that I wasn't on your list since you said anyone can play regardless. This picture is one of my favorites of you and Allan. I loved that day and I love you and Allan in it. For any of my readers who might not know; this was taken when we all knew things were getting serious between these two lovebirds, but there had not yet been talk of an engagement or marriage. What a beautiful fall day to celebrate their young love and the fun we all had on our walk through Highland Village a few years ago. To think, Claire was only a twinkle in God's eye. A wedding, living in California in their very first home, moving to Austin to work for JetBlue, and now in Flower Mound with a house, yard, a mini-van of all things, working for SW Airlines, play groups, MOPS, church league softball, a playroom jam-packed with toys and more than we can know to come. Life races on and changes come, but like I said once before... "If nothing ever changes, there wouldn't be butterflies."

Ponderings of Sadness vs. Walking Joyfully With Him...

2008-10-10T09:50:00.010-05:00

Circumstances may never change, but God remains faithful. Now in that we can rejoice and be glad. He is moving regardless of what we do or don’t do. Whether we come along beside Him, as He surely longs for us to do, or choose to go our own way remaining on the outside looking in; muddling along in our own strength with our own agendas. Still He moves in power and love to unfold His plan for His people. I know He continues to draw us ever closer to His ways and purposes, but there are moments in time when the darkness weighs heavy and it’s hard to see or feel His presence. I have struggled at times throughout my life with loneliness and even depression. I have some thoughts about this, but no matter what the root cause, we know as believers, the enemy of our souls does not win! If God be for us, who can be against us? God has made us MORE than conquerors through Jesus who loves us and gave His life for us. He is the lifter of our heads and our help in times of trouble, isn’t He? He is our peace that breaks down every wall and our hope; the author and finisher of our faith. His love covers a multitude of sin and His grace is sufficient. He is our strength, our redeemer, our new beginning, and the answer to all our prayers. I love these words of life; I cling to them with everything that is in me and find speaking God’s creative Word does just that; it brings life to my soul. I am able to put on a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness and find joy unspeakable and full of glory; not because anything has changed around me, but joy comes because of who He is inside me. God accepts us like we are, but He also empowers us to change into His likeness. What a glorious God we serve! His loving-kindness is better than life. Of course we WILL follow Him. Who can resist such amazing love? Who would want to if they really understood? Lord, help us to see today the depth, breadth, height, and width of your love.

When that heavy cloud over my mind presses in I find that moving to a place of worship within myself dispels the darkness and Light can enter in. There are times when I allow the enemy to gain a foothold in my life when I let daily cares steal away the Word that has been sown in my heart. Yes, I am guilty and, of course, I cannot live righteously alone. There are things I need to do better, like putting my Jesus time first every morning rather than doing all my morning ‘stuff’ thinking I’ll get it all done and then have more undistracted time with Him. Sounds good, but it’s not working. I need fellowship/community with other believers and when I don’t see that happening, a sadness that is hard to shake creeps in. Isolation comes as wallowing in sadness seems easier than seeking out a friend. See, I know a lot of right answers, but don’t always walk very well in the Truth I know. Too many times I long for what I don’t have instead of enjoying what God has blessed me with. None of this may make an ounce of sense, but help comes in voicing all this junk swirling around inside my heart and soul. Just when I think I’ve worked through all ‘my issues’ (everybody has them) and can find contentment in just knowing Jesus and His love for me, then WHAM!! Those same feelings of loneliness, unworthiness, uselessness, unacceptance, etc. raise their ugly heads and do a number on my mind and emotions. I feel trapped in my own disobedience and you’d think I’d see it coming by now; pull the rug out from under that lying devil once and for all. I so much want to be wholly and completely HIS; belonging fully to God… heart, soul, and body. I want to want to stay at His feet and sometimes I’m successful at it. The spiraling down comes when I falter and don’t do what I know to do, but what I don’t want to do. Seems we’ve heard that same pattern of behavior from Paul in his writings to the Church so long ago, haven’t we? There really is NOTHING new under the sun. The same struggles have plagued the hearts of men and women from the beginning of time and we fight within ourselves to this day in that very same battle. LORD HELP!!... and He is faithful.

“The voice of God descends
Into the darkness of my soul.
He calls my name;
Gently lifts me up and up
Until I see the Light,
And run with Him once more.”

*Written at seeing the faithfulness of God... again ~ JS

Look At Them Now!

2008-10-02T10:28:00.020-05:00

*** I have worked so hard at trying to creatively place these pics with the correct names, but it's still not right. Help!

I remember being in the sixth grade and thinking, "WOW! Only six more years and I'll graduate from high school!" Six years sounded like so far away then. I thought being 16 was amazing and then leaving home, finding the love of my life, a wedding, and that first moment when we found out I was going to have a baby! It was official and I was so excited; my precious husband was in shock. With two more years to go at Texas Tech, living in a tiny apartment, working two extra jobs while taking a full load academically... well, I imagine he was in shock! We survived, had three more babies and watched them grow up so quickly right before our eyes. Birthday parties, baptisms, one-act plays, ballgames, first loves and broken hearts. Night-time prayers, dandelion boquets, first jobs, rebellion, open arms of love when they came back. College years, four weddings and then grandbabies. We had two of them for so long it seemed at the time, and all of a sudden here we are with EIGHT! Each one has captured my heart. Our youngest is two weeks old today; our oldest is 11 and in the proverbial sixth grade. Amazing! And here they all are.... beautiful, funny, challenging, delightful, and much too far away for this Gibbie of theirs.

Allie Jill P.

Jackson Selke P.

Cooper Aubrey P.

Skyler LeeAnne S.

Claire Alyse K.

Asher Case W.

Chloe Grace S.

Ainsley GraceW.

I Am.... This and That

2008-09-15T12:37:00.002-05:00

I was not able to get into my blog for awhile and only accidentally figured out how the other day. I entered my answers to the "I Am..." questions on Amy's comments from the tag Emily and she sent out into cyberspace. My heart just wrapped around my little girls like a hug. Soooo, here is the "I" of me.

i am: a wife, mama, sister, daughter, and friend
i think: sunsets are beautiful
i know: that God loves me
i want: chocolate... NOW!
i have: an amazing life
i wish: I could work part-time
i hate: looking at cooked spinach
i miss: my children
i fear: getting fatter
i feel: good today
i hear: nothing but the AC
i smell: someone's lunch heating up in the microwave.
i crave: hugs
i search: for the right words to say that will encourage and bless.
i wonder: if I will ever get to see the Northeast in Fall.
i regret: any anger I expressed toward my children when they were little.
i love: holding a newborn baby
i ache: with love for my kids.
i care: too much about what others think of me.
i always: put color on my hair each month.
i am not: a genius
i believe:in Jesus as my Lord and Savior
i dance: with my sweetheart in the living room
i sing: all the time when I am at home or in the car
i don't always: plan ahead
i fight: within myself
i write: to express the deepest things of my heart.
i win: most of the time at computer Solitaire
i lose: weight at a very slow pace... or not at all.
i never: scream at my husband
i confuse: my directions unless the sun is coming up or going down
i listen: better now than I did when I was younger
i can usually be found:at work in front of my computer
i am scared: of touching bugs, spiders, and snakes
i need: to feel loved and affirmed
i am happy about: Christmas time

I tag everyone who reads this...let me know if you decide to play a long. it is harder than it looks.

Changes....

2008-09-12T08:45:00.006-05:00

I read something the other day that made me smile. I loved the feeling of peace it gave me when so many things in life seem to change faster than I can think or take it in. When my mind is racing and I don't see a way to be and do for everyone who God has brought into my life; when I want to stand on something high above my world and shout "Stop! Hold on just one darn minute!", then sure enough, God surprises me with one little phrase that brings me back to center on Him and I find rest. I am changing as I get older and the people and the world around me are too. It's interesting how on some level I don't want change, but on another I find change quite intriguing and adventurous. Yes, I read something the other day that said so profoundly in light of the life I've been given... "If nothing ever changed, there wouldn't be butterflies."

He Sent The Rain...

2008-08-12T15:21:00.004-05:00

Looks like clouds are gathering again on the horizon. God's sprinkler system is a wonderful surprise when it comes this time of year. As I sat out on the porch listening to the rumble of thunder while enjoying a spectacular light show in the heavens, our grass was dancing and singing all over the place; twirling the flowers around in a frenzy of celebration; even the hummingbirds came out to join in the early morning frivolity. Oh how I love the smell of rain, don’t you? Especially when we have not sensed it’s coming for such a very long time.

Emily's Little Word Game...

2008-07-02T12:37:00.003-05:00

If you want to play, just copy and paste this to your own blog or email, change each answer to something that starts with the first letter of your name and...... ta-da!

WHAT IS YOUR NAME? Jeannie
4 LETTER WORD: Jack
BOY NAME: Juandiego
GIRL NAME: Jill
OCCUPATION: Junkyard Manager
A COLOR: Jasmine Pink
SOMETHING YOU WEAR: Jacket
BEVERAGE: Juice
FOOD: Jelly
SOMETHING FOUND IN A BATHROOM: junk drawer
PLACE: Juno, Alaska
REASON FOR BEING LATE: Jumping on a trampoline and lost track of the time
SOMETHING YOU SHOUT: Jesus!

God’s Sweet Company

2008-06-13T14:23:00.004-05:00

Loneliness can creep in unexpectedly I think; as smoke wafting through the air and settling before a person can really know it’s there. Could it be that even in those moments, it is God who speaks and gently calls, “Come be with Me. I am here and I want to share this moment with you”? Why do I always feel that I need someone to be with, when spending part of my day wrapped in the love of Jesus is so amazingly wonderful? I don’t know. “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Perhaps that is it. I will always wonder at our human weakness, hanging on to what is temporal in light of such a great salvation. How is it that we can experience the reality of being in the presence of a Holy God, know His friendship and the joy of being with Him and yet stay puddled up in the midst of ourselves, always wanting and never being satisfied? We have tasted the beauty of His presence, yet getting back to that place; entering into the Holy of Holies, stepping out of our own agenda, busyness, schedules, fleshly desires, etc. is difficult. When in fact, that is the place we want so much to be. I was hurled into pondering these things once more when recently that mysterious loneliness covered me. I saw a photograph of two of my grandsons on a summer evening peeking over their back fence while eating Popsicles and my heart ached for their company; for the company of someone… anyone. Just to not be alone on that summer evening. I see now that God was calling and I did not recognize His voice for wallowing in my own feelings of self-pity. Oh the disappointment when I realized what I had done! God, I missed out on Your best that evening, didn’t I? Forgive me. Yet even within that overwhelming tendency to focus only on myself, You lovingly came; You visited me through the beauty of Your own handiwork. Thank You for your faithfulness and Your loving-kindness.

“There's something about a summer evening when the sun is going down, the fireflies begin to sparkle and little boys peek over the fence to see what lies on their horizon... even if it is another fence and somebody else's driveway and backyard. I will have to say though, that a summer evening is much more delightful when you have someone to share it with. Mine are sometimes lonely after being with so much family and then the quietness of no conversation at all while a tired husband sleeps. However, the birds singing their goodnight songs, a soft breeze, and those tiny twinkling lights brushing through the air at dusk is somehow sweet comfort to this mama who no longer has little ones peeking over the fence.”

Lord, when I am alone please remind me to run to You so that I might enjoy the best company of all.

Chloe Grace Selke

2008-05-23T11:33:00.003-05:00

Unbelievable! Our seventh grandchild is born and she is exquisite in every way; perfectly formed, newborn. Her mommy, Adrielle, was reading the meanings of names on Chloe's birth-day, May 19th, as she browsed through her laptop sitting on her hospital bed while in labor. That's amazing enough in and of itself, isn't it? Those epidurals are sometimes a wonderful invention I think. We decided that Chloe must mean 'Springtime' and 'new beginnings' and Grace simply means 'grace'. God's grace is upon our tiny Chloe. She is favored and treasured by her King and Lord and someday in the next few years she will choose Him too. I'm just sure of it. Certainly she is a breath of fresh air as I hold her in my arms and look into her little round face; the very creation of her takes my breath away and completely describes what a new beginning is supposed to express. New hope for the future is what she represents so well, and to know she has a mommy and daddy who will invest the love of Jesus into her young life, who have already been praying for her before she was even born. Well, I am in awe of the love of God and His favor over this child. She is amazing!

Ainsley Grace Waters

2008-05-23T11:29:00.004-05:00

Updated September 18, 2008

Your mommy and daddy went to the doctor today

to see a picture of you called a sonogram.
They didn’t know until now whether you were a boy or a girl
So I lovingly called you ‘Squirt” since your last name is Waters.
I thought that was so cute, but I love your name
~Ainsley Grace~.
You are God’s little gift and we can hardly wait to see you
And dress you in ruffles and lace.
Your mommy will decorate your room in soft colors
With flowy curtains on your window.
A teddy bear, a lamb, a baby doll or two
Bows and ribbons and little satin ballerina shoes.
A pretty Princess bed all your own
Where your big brother can come and peek
To watch you while you sleep.

Written by your gibbie

Precious Baby Mine...

2008-05-05T09:50:00.004-05:00

I wrote this after reading "35 Months" that my oldest daughter wrote about her nearly three year old. I was once more amazed at how close to my heart her words came. 35 months or 36 years.... Wasn't it only yesterday? I know how she feels even now.

Precious baby mine

Rushes by with smiles, giggles, and little steps in time.

Words then phrases, baby conversations

Grasping, cherishing every moment;

Like catching water in my hand.

So pleasant are these little ones nestled oh so close;

Then growing , changing,

Running through the neighborhood,

Then running out the door

Never to nestle close to me once more.

Precious baby mine.

Sprngtime and Family... Unpredictably Predictable

2008-04-28T12:59:00.008-05:00

This love I have for my children and grandchildren overwhelms me over and over again. I am humbled and beyond blessed to have weekends where getting together all at the same time really does come to pass. I know there are families all over the world who don't have that privilege because of distance or relationships or schedules, so I do not take this fun-filled-kick-your-feet-up-and-stay-awhile weekend for granted. Everyone... Poppie and this Gibbie, mommies, daddies, kids and babies were all tired by late Sunday afternoon, but it is a good tired, and a tired that is worth every second of energy and whatever work went into making it all happen. I still get a lump in my throat watching each family drive away as we all wave until they are out of sight. My sweetheart and I walk back into the house with a sigh as we look at the emptiness; the leftovers, the toys here and there, and all those familiar happy faces in frames, quietly sitting on tables and shelves. ... He heads outside to watch his pigeons, analyzing which ones will be the best fly-ers; I follow to survey the flowers blooming and to fill up the bubbling fountain where "Butch", the hummingbird will surely come again to take his early morning bath. As I lean against the pretty trellis fence and watch yet one more sunset I think, "Some things are simply predictable... hummingbirds, sunsets, and the love of family" and I am covered in peace.

Running With Him...

2008-04-23T10:00:00.006-05:00

I wrote this as an email and sent it to many of my dear friends and family. Then I thought... since blogging is an outlet, of sorts, to pour out one's heart, I should make my letter an entry into the world of blog. I have said before that you can read me like an open book; nothing hidden even if I tried, so here's another chapter...

My heart is so full because of the goodness of the Lord. Weeping with tears of love for Him and what He has done is a distinct possibility at this moment in time; however, I will write instead. Writing is similar to the release valve on a tea kettle I think. Without thoughts penned on paper I might burst with the love of Jesus that is bubbling up out of me.

Even though heartache and trouble continues all around us in this world... at times to the point of being overwhelmed; still, God is good. If I know nothing else in this world, I can truly and honestly say that I know our God is good. He is moving and changing lives one at a time all over the earth, isn't He? He is doing miracles, holding the hurting and healing the sick; providing for those who are in need and bringing to fruition the dreams of His heart in and through His people. I am in awe at the honor of getting to see a tiny glimpse of His spectacular power and majesty. I am covered and overwhelmed by His love today; not because everything is necessarily going smoothly or that I have suddenly become younger with a flat stomach once more... what if? Life goes on with its inevitable bumps and bruises, mistakes and distractions, but as of late, I have seen answered prayer in my own life as well as in some of the people dearest to my heart and answers for others who I have only heard about. A man who has been coming to our Bible study broke his ankle while hunting one weekend and was in such pain. We prayed on a Wed. evening and he told us that the next day he got a breakthrough and is completely pain free. We prayed for a community in another city where a sister-in-law of a young woman who also comes to our Bible study lives. There had been multiple robberies and a little girl abducted there in that affluent neighborhood. Long story short, the robber was caught and much of his loot was returned to its rightful owners. The little girl was found alive and we are praying for her trauma and memories to be healed. Another young man in our neighborhood fell several stories from a ladder and was in a lengthy coma. We heard about him and began to pray. I got an update from our neighbor, his mother-in-law, yesterday and he is doing well. He'll be in rehab for awhile longer, but his broken inner-ears were surgically repaired along with the nerves in his face. His hearing is being restored and he's able to walk as his broken back is mending. God gave him a miracle and he will be changed forever by all the love poured out into his life. A dear friend's daughter is to be married soon and we have prayed for this precious young woman for several years. God knew what He was doing all along... of course. He always does. Two different people we've prayed over recently have received healing in their eyes and are continuing to grow stronger with clearer vision. We joined with friends who are laying their lives down overseas and almost daily it seems, I get updates about people coming into the Kingdom; others who are searching and telling about dreams and visions drawing them to Jesus. We have prayed for our son and sons-in-law, that God would raise them up, give them favor in their businesses, and bring them into the fullness of His character as they lead their families in righteousness; teaching their children Godliness by living out their lives in truth and love. We are seeing these things come to pass and I am humbled and so grateful at the goodness of God. I am excited for the future and continue to pray for God's Kingdom to come on earth as it is in heaven. All this good news is like trying to drink straight-on from a fire hose. I might just drown in the joy of it all. Sure, there are breakthroughs that are yet to come, hurdles to jump, and wounds to bandage and heal, but seeing the answers to some of the prayers we've prayed strengthens and builds our faith for more. It doesn't matter how old or how young we are. God is not limited by time or what we may determine as less than or not enough. Thank God He loves to show Himself strong through our weakness! I believe He is blessed when we simply say "Yes" , letting go of our own plans and agendas, and surrendering our lives to run with Him. He's the One who does it all anyway and He enjoys having us trust Him enough to follow and rest in His love. God bless you all as you run the race set before you for His glory.

Real Life and some "Heavenly" Chores... :0)

2008-04-17T09:43:00.003-05:00

Here is a priceless word I didn't expect to hear today, but was blessed in the confirmation that even taking care of the practical things in life pleases God. Being a good steward of all He has blessed us with is important. I love this!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

April 17, 2008. God speaks in dreams. The first principle of interpretation is to see if all the people in the dream represent parts of your own personality. I dreamed last night of a friend skiing down a slope, at the bottom skiing on top of some rocks, and back to the chair lift zipping past me. This friend represents responsibility and getting the job done. I have been putting off something and going on to the next fun thing. So I got up and cleaned out the refrigerator early this morning. God says, "What is the thing that you have been putting off. It will be a zip if you do it now." Proverbs 16:9 "The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now didn't that make you smile?

Questions Continued...

2008-04-17T08:34:00.002-05:00

Some questions deserve so many answers because there are so many memories. Some not so good, but many which bring me back to my childhood with smiles and laughter. Even the feel of sunshine can take me back to our backyard in Amarillo when my sisters and I were little. Maxine and I were such good buddies; I would say she was my best friend. We would gather up piles of dirt in little bowls and cups, mix it all up with water and put our gourmet creations of mud pies and cakes in our pretend oven. Grandma tells about how she would sometimes look out the kitchen window and how she loved to watch her little girls play. When we moved to Bowie Street in that same city, we would play school out in the garage using one wall for a "chalkboard" and either Maxine and I would be the students and Stella would be the teacher or I might just be the teacher and line up all our dolls for a classroom full of kids. In the summers Maxine and I would eat breakfast and head out early for Southlawn park. We liked to get to the cement wading pool while the maintenance man filled it with icy cold water. After the first torturous dip, we were the most beautiful and graceful mermaids ever imagined. Our adventures continued on our trek home as we would veer off the beaten path along the street; winding through alleys, walking along the tops of fences as though they were high cliffs or a balance beam. We'd cut through shrubs and trees, becoming jungle women on a dangerous and very exciting mission. So many more childhood memories and I am so thankful for parents who allowed us to dream and encouraged us to be creative in our play. It was a different world back then where we didn't have to be afraid to walk to a park and the term 'cell phone' was not even a thought. We did not have to deal with the onslaught of technological gadgets. TV was a luxury we would watch with our family on occasion and outside was our playroom. We did have a few toys and dolls, but could make a game or an imaginary world out of fallen branches or an old tire, maybe a club house underneath the bushes or in an old rickety storage shed. My favorite place of all was in my 'thinking tree' out by the street. I would climb up as high as I dared, lean back on a branch and watch the world go by below... truly from a bird's point of view.

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I would definitely go back to Spain, but I have dreamed of visiting Germany as well. There are families who live there who I love and pray for and it would be so great to walk with them in their world for awhile. I would love to see Uganda and love the people there with our friends, the McCalls and Porters, and others who are laying their lives down for the cause of Christ in this nation. I've also heard Italy is a beautiful part of the world, but I don't know anyone there. I guess my first choice at this point would be Germany and a visit to Gimmelwald, Switzerland so I could experience what my two 'little girls' enjoyed a few years ago. I want to hike to the 'mouth of the river' and feel the touch of God there.

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There is a deep joy in relationships and seeing the people I love cared for and happy. However, my greatest joy is in those times of worship when the presence of Jesus is so personal and there is a glory and awe of being with Him, loving Him with the music of my heart and allowing Him to love me at an inexpressible depth too amazing for words. Nothing in this life can compare to having the privilege of stepping into that place before His throne and to be held close to His heart. And to think that He, the God of the universe, longs to call us His friends. Amazing!

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I think my favorite gifts are the ones I receive knowing kind thoughts of love were specifically given in the buying or making of them. Like the ceramic plate from Allie and Jack that says, "If We could Pick Any Flower, We'd Pick Our Gibbie". I loved getting our new toaster and coffee maker at Christmas because it is something we really needed and to receive the very one that I had in mind was so special. I love my "Gibbie" bracelet with all my grandkids' birthstones and the framed photos of all my kids and their babies. Gifts that I know were not just an afterthought or a last minute chore, but rather out of a real love for who I am are the best. Because I enjoy flowers so much, anything that has to do with my dream of a beautiful retreat in our yard is always appreciated, like the pretty planter A&E gave us for our screened porch or the fountain my husband bought a couple weeks ago. Watching our newest little feathered friend, a tiny hummingbird, take a bath in the top of it as it bubbles out is such fun. Amy, a closeup photo of him would be a treasured gift for sure. :0) Gifts of time are a treasure as well. I love it when someone I love wants and chooses to spend time with me.

Anwers to Your Questions...

2008-04-16T10:59:00.004-05:00

1) I have many books that I have enjoyed and are reading some that I might say I love. However, I think my favorites are still, after all these years, Girl of The Limberlost, Freckles, and Freckles Comes Home. All of these novels are connected in time, characters, and era. Stories of perseverance in difficult situations and the rise from impossibility to meaningful and rewarding lives that touch others. I LOVE that!

A favorite movie.... well, I still like "You've Got Mail", but I don't know that over the long haul it would be my fav of the favorites. I still think "Gone With The Wind" is amazing in how it draws its viewers back in time. I remember years ago scheduling around the made-for-TV-movie sequels called "Roots" and I'd watch it again if I could make time for it. I like movies that are important, that have a true message of mercy and compassion, perseverance until lives are changed for the better. I also love to laugh, so movies that bring out fun and chuckles are refreshing as well.
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2) My favorite quality about my husband is faithfulness and peace. He has a compassionate heart and a generous spirit and I pray God would cover him with blessing because of his willingness to walk in those things. I love how he loves kids... even those who others may give up on. He may eventually give up too, but not without a fight for their well-being and exhausting every avenue of trying to invest Godly character into their lives first.

Coby- confident and a hard worker; finds ways to creatively invest time and energy in loving his family, Adrielle and Skyler. A good cook and loves to keep his yard immaculate and beautiful. Gives the best hugs this mama could ever hope for. I always feel welcome no matter what is going on in his day. I am encouraged and affirmed as a mom by my sweet son.

Amy- tender hearted and a good writer (woman after my own heart in that way); faithful and loving to Corey and her children. Creative in finding ways to honor, encourage, and document the growth and success of her family... physically and spiritually. Hands on in raising and nurturing and being involved with what her kids are doing in school, church, sports, and other activities. Her faith and her family are top priorities. Transparent as she invests what God is teaching her into others lives; brings hope and light in the darkness.

Sara- funny and forever finding what is best in every person. Walks in the gifts God has given her in mercy and hospitality. Passionate about caring for and loving Beau and Asher. Cherishes her friendships and doesn't mind driving a million miles to keep relationships intact. A true princess who oversees her home (her kingdom) well; a servant leader.

Emily - Strong in character and conviction in her own time and not because of what others think or expect. Very funny person and makes her home a welcoming place for whoever wants to visit or needs a place to stay. She loves her friends and their children. Diligent in loving her husband and Claire-bear. Speaks truth unashamedly; bold and courageous.

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3) I don't have alot of really close friends who like to hang out. However, when we do get together we usually eat lunch with a good chat in tow. I'm thankful for email; such a great way to stay in touch inexpensively and almost daily with friends who may or may not live far away. I have girlfriends who are quick to pray for me or call to ask me to stand in agreement with them in crisis situations concerning things that come up in life; whether it be for their children, health, or LG issues. We love to share funny stories and occasionally... very occasionally... enjoy tea or coffee at one of our homes, just relaxing and talking about the wonderful blessings of God and His creation. A shopper I am not... as expressed in an earlier entry.

Question Game...

2008-04-14T16:15:00.002-05:00

OK, if any of you two or three people who actually read my blog are interested, ask me anything and I'll think about answering. Don't worry, I'm usually an almost embarrassingly open book. If I get no questions I will either be relieved or wounded for the disinterest. The 'eggshell' raises her ugly head once more. :0) I have enjoyed reading your questions and answers though. Very thoughtful, funny, and thought provoking to say the least.

As Though It Were Yesterday...

2008-04-03T10:24:00.003-05:00

April 3, 1979... how could so much time have passed, but it has. My baby is having her 29th birthday today and I can remember holding this little dark-haired beauty for the first time among the IV tubes and monitors after a risky emergency C-section; looking into her tiny newborn face with it's perfectly formed features; her warm breath on my chest as a sweet nurse helped me hold her there. Emily was my last baby and I was in awe of her; wanting to somehow capture that quiet moment forever. I remember even as I am writing this, as though it were yesterday. What deep love I felt then and now, and I hover over and protect those memories and this moment like a mother bird protecting her nest with her wings and with her life. I can close my eyes and be back in our small house at 1415 Vernon in Plainview, Texas and I can almost feel what it was like with my newest little one sleeping soundly in her frilly white bassinet right next to my bed. I can once again feel the weight of her as I pick her up and cradle her in my arms. I can imagine the softness of her hair and her chubby baby skin if I try. Thank You Lord for memories. Life goes on, but isn't it nice that sometimes we can go back to a time of treasured experiences that we hold in our hearts forever? My baby, my youngest child, Emily Joy, fills my heart and mind today. We had a very hard and critical time getting her out of the womb and into my arms, but by God's grace and His merciful hand we are both alive and well and learning to love each other at a deeper level than ever before. I think the love of a child is more of a trusting dependence on being cared for and loved by others rather than purposefully loving; then there is a breaking away that begins in those middle years; emotionally painful in many ways, but needful as our little ones reach out to find their own way. Rebellion sometimes happens, but not only by the child. I've learned as I look back, the rebellion of a mother who longs to keep her babies with her, yet knowing she can't and that she must not is just as real. Growing up happens for both mother and child, and though usually difficult, it is always good. Growing up ushers in that strong and deep love we share as adults I believe. A richness that I never imagined and a freedom so priceless that brings about a common bond of honor, respect and so much joy. I love my baby girl. I love the way she can make me laugh and how she cares for others. I love that she stands strong for Truth and justice for all. I love the woman my little girl has become. Happy Birthday Emily Joy.

Spring Has Sprung...

2008-04-02T10:47:00.002-05:00

"Elizabeth Barrett Browning said, 'Earth's crammed with heaven, and every common bush afire with God; but only those who see take off their shoes.' Oh that we would be a people that walk barefoot in the dew dusted grass."

This is actually a quote within a quote from a precious missionary friend who has given her life to serve and love Jesus and to invest His love within a city and nation on the other side of the world. I could read what she writes all day long and never get weary of it. What a gift she has and such wonderful things to say to the world about her faith and her love for the people God has sent her to. Her description of spring makes me wish I could write something so beautiful. You can see for yourself. Here is an excerpt... Last year when we moved into this apartment it took me months to get used to how loud it was at night with the window open. The S-Bahn barreling through Hakesher Markt every 7 minutes, taxi after taxi whisking down busy Oranienburger Strasse - just 50 yards from our front door, and of course the joyfully exuberant tourists singing their way home at 4 in the morning. Tonight I sit somehow soothed by the noise of the city with my window open for the first time in months, not because I need it to be open, but because it can be. I have opened the front door of my building for the last two mornings and been met warmly by the springtime air. I search the trees everyday for a blossom, so far I have been met only with the promise from the bud. There is an energy in the city, the euphemistic snow is melting and we are coming to life. The tables have been pulled back out on to the sidewalks and the restaurants sit empty while their waiters scurry from the kitchen in the far back of the building to the table practically sitting in the street. There are more smiles, an easier way and we are all relishing this month that we have before the tourists descend on our little Utopia. Spring seems to bring with it hope. The promise of new life. The reminder of restoration and growth. Isn't it strange how a season can speak to that little place in us that longs to be reminded yet again that life should be lived fully alive, breathing deeply of the crisp air, remembering that like the flowers blooming around us, the stuff that was bundled up in us underneath our winter coats and scarves has also been growing and prepring to make its brilliant debut with the Spring rains and Summer sun?

Written by ~Stephanie Johnson

I love words that bring so much life. Words that fill my senses like a summer breeze near the honeysuckle.

Flight to Spain...

2008-03-26T12:23:00.003-05:00

I wondered if my derrière would ever be the same after that many hours of sitting with nowhere to go. We got up every so often to stretch our legs and walk to the bathroom or around the center section of seats, but mostly I sat by my little window and looked out to see what I could see. I saw Ireland and the Celtic sea, New Foundland on the way back with it's ice and snow as far as I could see; England, France, Portugal, and of course Spain in the glory of its Spring. I can't believe I can even say that I've glanced at all those places, even if only briefly before we were above the clouds. One of the highlights of this amazing trip had to be as we lifted off in the United States heading for Europe. Such a profound moment of realization of God's faithfulness and His amazing blessing it was. We had a layover in Raleigh, NC and when we took off I looked out my window and saw the exact dream I had had over and over; again and again as a little girl. I would always dream this beautiful dream where I was flying and I would look down on the lights of a city that looked like diamonds sprinkled across black velvet and I always thought how wonderful it would be to really fly and see something so beautiful. It was a dream of complete freedom and later on when I would remember the dream, I thought maybe it was a glimpse of heaven and how it would feel to fly without anything holding me back. There was no fear at all and I have never forgotten that dream. Well, when we took off from Raleigh and I saw the lights just as I had seen them in the dream, knowing the ocean was before us, God spoke to my heart and I knew He was sitting right there on that airplane with me, holding me just as He had held the little girl I once was. Just as clearly as if He had manifested right there next to me He said, "I knew back then that you would be right here right now, and I wanted you to see from My perspective and remember that it was Me who was always leading and moving you to this exact day and time." He said, "I knew you would come; I was counting on it and I am taking you on this journey. You have nothing to fear." It was such an incredible moment that I began to cry at the very thought of His perfect care and plan for me; the plans and purposes He has for all His people if we'll just be willing and obedient. Whether it is to go or to stay; whatever God has for us is good, isn't it? He could've said, "You are 57 years old my dear girl; what took you so long?", but He didn't. He just held me and I think I knew He was smiling.

A Quote Tweaked a Bit...

2008-03-06T14:33:00.002-06:00

I just read a quote by Thomas Jefferson and it warmed my heart. He said, "I had rather be shut up in a very modest cottage, with my books, my family and a few old friends, dining on simple bacon, and letting the world roll on as it liked, than to occupy the most splendid post which any human power can give." At first glance his thought seemed like a bit of heaven, yet when I pondered the words for a moment, I decided with resolve, that I want more when it's all said and done. Though ideally I would hang onto a life lived in such simplicity, I would have to say that family comes before books and that the bacon would need a few vegetables to go along with it. My own never-to-be-famous quote would read something like this.... "I had rather be free dancing in a field of flowers, filled with wonder and praise to my God underneath a blue sky, with my family and a few precious friends, dining on simple crescent rolls and little smokies (I just had to throw that in... I mean what's funnier; that Thomas Jefferson said 'bacon' or that I said 'little smokies'?), and letting the world around us see the Light of God's love in ours, than to occupy the most splendid mansion which any human power can give." That's my personal quote for today and I think I like it. I will have to add that a few books would be nice as well.

Fiddle-dee-dee

2008-02-27T15:41:00.006-06:00

'Sleepy' is my word for the afternoon. I am about to fall headlong onto my desk here at work because of it. So, I thought I'd start typing and see what happens. I have no idea what I'm about to say. Let me think.... what is that rolling around in my head? Not much I'm afraid. It's quiet here except for the air blowing through the air-conditioning system, and the buzz of this computer. My phone is not ringing and I rarely hear another voice. However, just as I typed that last sentence, the cleaning lady came off the elevator and rolled her big trash can with brooms and cleaning paraphernalia across the tiles of the foyer which is always a bit irritating and makes me furrow my brow daily until she hits the carpet. I think the football coaches are outside or out of town and no one is at the ticket office window arguing about the rising cost of simply trying to enjoy a collegiate game or event. I've emailed precious friends and family all day long and then I was about to leave for my lunch hour to shop for some comfortable black shoes for my trip to Spain at a store named Belk which reminds me of the word 'belch'. Nevertheless, they are having an amazing sale there so I thought I'd take advantage of it. However, my precious husband called just then and... I still find him irresitable. He had driven a school bus full of hyper active elementary children downtown to the Hippodrome to let them and their teachers off to see a dramatic production of some kind. He then parked the bus and strolled along Austin Avenue seeing whatever there was to see. Not much he said. He had some time on his hands, so we decided to have lunch together. Our mid-day get-together, through circumstances we did not anticipate, became frustrating to say the least. Not because of him or me, but because we tried a little sandwich shop downtown and there was NO parking anywhere close! I got wedged into one spot we learned was not supposed to be a parking place at all, was nearly completely blocked in by a woman in a big truck and then after getting loose by maneuvering an interesting five or six point turn (I'm not sure which) ending with a sore neck and stiff joints in my fingers from turning the steering wheel so many times; I left my husband standing on the sidewalk. I had to drive around the block and park two traffic lights away from the sandwich shop. Praise God for a sunshiny day and the sweater I was wearing. We finally got to the 'order line' only to be told by a toothless elderly woman to come order at the 'checkout line'. Whatever. We both wanted turkey on wheat bread and cheddar cheese because that was all they had besides Swiss; and then they said they were out of wheat bread. What a nightmare! "No wheat?" I said. Well, there was no way we were going to eat white bread! So, just as said husband was about to give up and leave, the manager came through with those little paper boats for French fries stacked up to her chin and said not to worry she'd fix our sandwiches on the bigger wheat buns with no extra charge. Come to find out when we got our order, the bigger buns were so hot we literally could barely touch them and we were running out of time. The sandwich consisted mostly of shredded lettuce to make it look bigger I imagine. Well, we shoveled off the lettuce, wrapped napkins like little potholders around our bigger buns and ate a fairly yummy half sandwich. I wasn't about to see what we'd have to go through to get a to-go box. Another point of frustration was that my sweetie who was by this time rather grumpy, had to keep watching down the street the whole entire time to where all the school buses were parked so that he wouldn't miss seeing a possible stampede of, in his words, rugrats, who he had delivered with the intention of broadening their horizons and cultural experience. Needless to say, we ate in virtual silence and were anything but relaxed, mentioning only briefly how our kids were doing and what lay ahead this weekend as we look forward to helping move our oldest daughter and her family to a different house. We walked back to my car commenting on the demolition going on down the block from where we were. A tall building, for Waco anyway, that's being renovated from a nursing home to the up and coming loft apartments of our thriving metropolis. We talked about how dangerous it would be to walk down the sidewalk underneath the windows where getting hit on the head with a stray brick could be a very real possibility and how irresponsible it was to leave the broken yellow 'caution' tape flapping in the breeze. Needless to say, we stayed away from that side of the street. My hubby apologized for being so grumpy, we kissed good-bye (that's a good sign) and rather than giving him a lift on down the block to his bus, he opted to walk off our exasperating lunch date. All that to say, the sun is still shining, the temperatures are rising, and it's getting closer to 5:00 than it was before I started this rambling blog entry that most likely... no one will read. At least I'm not asleep with imprints of telephone keys on my cheek.

Weirdness...

2008-02-15T11:39:00.002-06:00

OK, I'm really going to try to enter into this insanity of figuring out what is weird about me so I can share it with you. True confessions... why am I doing this?!! Now, that's weird enough in and of itself, isn't it? Hmmmm... seven things weird about me.... no, now there's only six I believe or eight if I go ahead and do seven 'numbered' weird things. :0)

7. I cannot stand clipped nails off fingers or toes except for my own. Just gives me chills to think about it.

6. Some people say I'm 'too nice'... whatever that means... and it irks them when I refuse to say mean things about my husband or children in public. My family is not perfect, but I wouldn't want them to sit around with folks and tell all of my faults and weaknesses. Why would I do that to them?

5. I can't stand to rub anyone's feet except my own children's or grandchildren and even as old as they are, their feet still don't gross me out. However, I LOVE for my husband to rub my feet.

4. I tend to sometimes be self-centered wanting my own way even when it's not important.

3. When I overeat or snack 'til I can snack no more, I will clean up the kitchen and somehow rationalize that in hiding the evidence it's not quite as fattening. Good grief!

2. I hate to shop! I will shop in an emergency or to hang out with my girls who love it, but I am not a woman who enjoys shopping.

1. I would love to hang-glide, but fear still grips me so much about the possibility of falling that at this point I'd never really try it.

How's that for starters? I'm sure there are many other quirks about myself I just don't see or refuse to face, but I'm working on it. Somehow confessing the eating/cleaning the kitchen thing has lifted a burden and I'm hopeful deliverance is close at hand.

Ponderings on Valentine's Day and Adversity...

2008-02-14T10:57:00.003-06:00

Happy Valentine's Day! A wonderful day when the world celebrates love. Not just sweetheart love, although having a sweetheart to celebrate with is so.... well.... so sweet. :0) But here we all are with another day. What a belssing I think, to have it; a day with joys, sorrows, frustrations, surprises, sadness, laughter and sometimes tears... and choices to make which will either bring life or destruction. I've decided to choose love and in doing that I am choosing life. I think that's better no matter what, don't you? Circumstances may be hard because of the stuff life is sure to throw at us, but to choose love in the midst of it is what will surely and most certainly hold us together; mentally, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. I read a prophetic word today that hit the spot and since there is nothing new under the sun, I'm sure it will hit your spot as well; if not today then in the near future. I've been downhearted over a couple... or maybe three things most recently and I think through every single one God was using them to grow me into more of His likeness. I don't always learn easily, but I think I may be getting the hang of it the older I get. Eternity will tell, won't it? Anyway, regarding adversity, I hope this blesses you as it did me.

February 14, 2008. The Lord would lovingly say to us, "I know the difficulties you face. It is a part of everyday living. When you follow Me there will always be hard times. Do I cause them? Absolutely not. Do I allow them? Yes. When I gave My children the Promise Land enemies were in the land to teach how to overcome. They became strong and so do you depending on Me and each other. John 15:5 "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing."

Stepping Out On The Water...

2008-01-29T16:27:00.001-06:00

Well, I've done it now. What a year this is going to be!! 2008 is already filling up with new adventures and wild rides; I can already tell. My first mission trip... to SPAIN!!! in March, and I've written a BOOK, a children's book! Some of my kids/grandkids have read and heard this little tale of going to Nappy's House; a story told over and over again when my children were little ones and now it is written, I have a wonderful friend who has agreed to be my illustrator, and we are beaming with thoughts of possibilities and visions of children being peacefully lulled to sleep with this wonderful story. Today, I went to a Christian bookstore and looked through several children's books and jotted down some publishers and their addresses. When I got back to work, I wrote letters regarding my vision for this particular book about four children who journey down a long dusty road to Nappy's house... "deep within the forest down a path among the trees." I told said publishers that if they find what I've written to them interesting and want to know more, I will let them read my story. I hope one of them will be curious enough to get in touch with me, but it is in God's hands, isn't it? Well, just wanted you bloggy-types to get a glimpse into my heart for today. It's a happy one.

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking...

2008-01-24T09:31:00.000-06:00

I got this today from a friend and thought how important it is to realize that little eyes are watching us and many times the seemingly insignificant reactions and responses in life do make all the difference.

YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING
Written by a former child

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking , I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust in God.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, 'Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.'

Raindrops on Roses and Whisker on Kittens....

2008-01-22T12:21:00.000-06:00

My youngest has inspired me to jot down a few of my favorite things; things that make me happy. A new addition to my thankful list with some overlapping I'm sure. Then I read my other two daughters' blogs and they had joined in on this happy project to my delight. So fun to read all the silly, funny, and touching things in life that make my kids smile. Here are a few of my own grin-motivators that come to mind....

1. Home; just being there.

2. Blazing fire in the fireplace

3. A cup of hot orange-spiced tea

4. A book that I'm so into that I can't put it down

5. Old movies

6. Laying on the sofa snuggled up to my sweetheart

7. Holding his hand

8. His hugs

9. Hearing funny stories about my grandkids.

10.Knowing my kids still love me after all these years.

11.Pedicures w/ a massage chair to relax in

12.Massages with that peaceful and oh-so-relaxing cocoon-like atmosphere; music w/sounds of nature, soft lights, warm blankets

13.The whole mountain experience; the majesty of seeing them; the smell of wildflowers and pine trees; the cool breeze; the sound of the river; the clarity of the water; peace in the quiet of the wilderness.

14.Browsing through pretty shops with antiques and home decor ideas

15.Barnes and Noble; I can go in there just for the smell of coffee and the feeling that I might actually learn something among all those books.

16.Our celebration services on Sunday mornings; worship and loving Jesus with other believers.

17.Sitting on our back porch in the porch swing.

18.Sitting on the tailgate of Darrell's truck watching the day disappear with a beautiful sunset.

19.Summer nights when the fireflies appear.

20.Fall when the weather really does actually cool off and leaves begin to change.

21.Making snow angels and going for a night walk in the snow; seeing it sparkle under a street light and listening to the quiet that inevitably comes after a big snow storm.

22.Dreaming of what God might do next in my life; thinking about how amazing and wonderful He is.

23.Looking at the stars on a summer night in the country.

24.Laughing until I hurt... like when Sara was sitting beside Em's bathtub watching their little ones splash and play. I brought her a cup of coffee and she took a quick mouthful and immediately spit it out on the floor. Shocking!!! It was too hot and she didn't know what else to do with it. Thought I'd wet my pants I laughed so hard. Hilarious! Guess you would have had to have been there.

25.Knowing that I've written a story or a poem that God Himself has placed in my heart.

Music...

2008-01-16T12:21:00.000-06:00

A quiet evening at home alone; a good book as I sat cuddled up in the recliner; yet the instrumental music I had playing took my attention. As I pondered the notes and thought about how many actual notes there are in a scale; repeating themselves over and over either higher or lower, this little ditty came to me so I wrote it down...

Seven little notes,

Sometimes a flat and sometimes a sharp

High and lo scattered about

Then brought together in a melodious sound

Running quickly up and then back down

Held long and all of it

Coming together as a beautiful song.

Thoughts on Thankfulness...

2008-01-15T10:58:00.000-06:00

As I thanked God for each one by name; family members, co-workers, friends who serve on the mission field here and overseas, my underlying question was... "What good is this really? Can saying 'thank you' change or empower or offer blessing?" I didn't 'feel' anything at the sound of my own voice offering up prayers of thankfulness. That is when I clearly heard the Lord Himself speak to my mind and heart. He said, "A thankful heart prepares the way of the Lord." Such a simple answer I thought, but how profound! How many times have I heard that scripture about having a thankful heart spoken or songs sung about it? This time was different. I saw in my mind specific people who I love and care about going and coming; busy about their daily lives and ministries; working, playing, loving and praying. Then I saw me; insignificant in my rather plain life, yet as I prayed with a thankful heart for these people who God has brought into my life; thanking Him for their children and the work He has called them to... the heavens opened up with a brilliant 'way' or road as I saw it. The road stretched from heaven down to earth where each person I had mentioned lived and worked. The Lord Himself walked on this road of thankfulness and by His hand and because of my obedience, lives were changed, healing came, and sadness and despair were lifted. A thankful heart in me (and in you) prepares the way of the Lord for them; all of them on whose behalf we enter boldly into the throne room of grace. I see thankfulness with more clarity today.

Thoughts on Learning... Still

2008-01-04T09:28:00.000-06:00

As I was making my bed this morning a memory was jogged in my mind of a conversation I had with my mother many years ago. We were looking at pretty magazines and talking about decorating; how to make something beautiful out of what we had without spending alot of money. She had recently read an article that said two things that stuck with me. A couple's bedroom should be the prettiest room in the house, a peaceful and lovely retreat where they can get away with just the two of them and that every room needs just a touch of red. Now, in this time of life when we had four little ones running around and too many messes to count; having a place to retreat to, for even 5 minutes, was profound and miraculous advice I thought. I've tried to make having a beautiful bedroom a reality ever since. As I thought on this, other little learning moments came to mind as well. Surely some of these tidbits are blog-worthy in some way. I remember when my 'little girls' were still babies; finances seemed impossible and the thought of making anything pretty was a dream I could not grasp or even get my mind around. During that sad and almost hopeless time, I went to visit a friend; another young mother who loved her family and her friends. I got tears in my eyes when I saw how beautiful her home was; how warm and welcoming I felt as we sat there with a cup of hot tea, the smell of cinnamon and a hint of eucalyptus from an organic arrangement she had in an old container rather than in a pretty or expensive vase. She used scraps of fabric, old wooden boxes, antique utensils, and simple candles in a jar or placed on a saucer to enhance the warmth of her home. Not to mention how none of her 'things' seemed more important to her than our visit together or finding any way she could to make my babies and me feel welcome and valued. That is when it began to dawn on me that I could, in fact, make my home beautiful regardless of material wealth; and I could definitely give a hug, a word of encouragement, and a cup of tea to a friend. Oh, the simplicity of love I was learning.... I am still learning. There are many other moments through the years where wisdom and understanding were given and gained; some of which were very small beginnings; baby steps I am just now beginning to see the fruit of in this second half of life; others, upon hearing, enabled me to put new advice into practice right away. Here are a few:

*How to sweep "correctly" - my Uncle Charles
*Loving the unlovely - Mom and Daddy
*To capture my thoughts into written words - my high school friend, Marla Redelsperger
*A new way to peel potatoes - Maxine's mother-in-law, Rosalee
*Encouragement to become more independent - my husband, Darrell
*Confidence to speak in small groups of people - the Holy Spirit and my son, Coby; my friend, Kathy Mulkey, motivates me as well. I love that she has confidence in me to do what is in God's heart.
*The love of swimming - my mom and daddy
*Love of music - a young woman who was the pianist at Kingswood Methodist Church when I was a child
*More music - Mr. Bazona, my jr. high choir teacher in Amarillo, TX
*Sewing - Mrs. Huckabee, my jr. high homemaking teacher
*Cooking, cleaning up, and staying organized in the process-Mrs. Huckabee (guess the cooking part didn't stick)
*Underlining the 'cents' on a check - One of my Plainview friends, Laura Holbert
*Washing my knick knacks yearly rather than just dusting - My sister, Maxine's housekeeper who she hired in Amarillo years ago.
*The importance of clean sheets and a bed well made - Alice Selke, my mother-in-law
*Keeping my drawers orderly with like objects together- Alice
*Snow skiing down a mountain - Corey Powell (his patience was extraordinary!)
*Hospitality - my daughters, Amy and Sara; my sister, Stella, and her husband Ben
*Raman noodles and Cinnamon Crumb Cake coffee - Sara and her friends
*Importance of drinking lots of water; and grilling rather than frying - my friend, Judy Mills
*More on hospitality - Penny Allison, Sarada Loudermilk, Donna Stewart, Luana Sudan
*Godly wisdom - Barbara Byrd, Margie Atwood
*Accountability - a Plainview friend, Darlene George; my daughter, Emily Selke Kavalich
*Freedom to laugh loudly - Marla as we would drag Main Street in her old 'black hoopie' singing to the top of our lungs, or stand on our front porches with our phone cords stretched to the max so we could wave at each another. (We lived only a block apart) Emily; she can make me laugh easier than anyone over the least little thing. My Aunt Fern who always has a funny story.
*Advice on breastfeeding and the importance of taking a few minutes away from 'mommying' every now and then - A fellow mother from Plainview, Sammy Payne
*The supernatural hand of God - Three Abernathy friends, Malena, Vickie, and Donita
*Brushing my teeth longer - I can't remember, but it is important
*Enjoying the beauty of a sunset - my mother

In a nutshell... "Every good and perfect gift comes from the Father of Lights, in whom there is no variableness or shadow of turning."

Hustle and Bustle Overload...

2007-12-19T08:44:00.000-06:00

Christmas is a wonderful time of year; the most joyful of all I believe with sounds of the season, checking the mail to find beautiful Christmas cards and letters from family and old friends. I love to sit and enjoy every Christmas tree I can get my eyes on, with all the lights and sparkly ornaments. I love snow globes since that's about as close as I'll ever be to seeing the stuff fall. I LOVE Christmas! However, the holiday season can quickly turn into a ball of stress with all the hustle and bustle; sadness can creep in as we remember loved ones who are no longer with us. Time seems to pass us by and we long to reach back somehow; hanging onto sweet memories of Christmases gone by. The tinsel and sparkle can dim in the busyness of last minute shopping, financial stress, travel arrangements, emotional overload, overeating, and having to be so many places at once. Not to mention the regular daily going's on like laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, taking care of little ones; plus going to work every day or hauling kids to school, church activities and extra rehearsals. Then if a kink in things happen, like sickness or surprise household repairs, family squabbles, financial devastation, etc., we can very well see our joy go out the window in a flash; leaving broken and shattered dreams behind that we haven't the strength or energy to clean up. As for me personally, I can see that last minute shopping spree approaching. The madhouse I'm about to enter out among the shops and discount stores is not a pretty sight as it edges into my mind's eye. I sit here at work knowing quite well that if I could only leave this computer and hit the streets, I could avoid all or most of the upcoming turmoil. On the positive side... most of our shopping is done and I only need to pick up a few more items; most of which I haven't the foggiest as to what to buy.... therein lies the stress. All this to say, I was reading "Fullness Online", a prophetic publication I receive daily through email on my trusty computer, and this word; straight from the Father I believe, seemed to leap off the page and into my heart. An encouragement for all of us perhaps. Sweet words from heaven.... so, Merry Christmas!

December 19, 2007 Last night late I became overwhelmed with my "to do" list and this was the list I had to do before I went to bed. I stole away from the hustle and bustle and got on my knees before the Lord. I told him, "I don't think I can do all that I have to do." I felt like quitting but got up and started on the list. The rest of the evening my work became a breeze. He says today, " Unload your mind on Me. I know how to make your time double time without the stress you have before coming to Me. You are doing well my precious one." Psalms 18:19-20 'He brought me forth also into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me. The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness."

- Bev Robinson

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl...

2007-12-05T15:23:00.000-06:00

How I remember that day 34 years ago! We lived in Abernathy on that very windy and cold winter's day. Our home was a 12x60 trailer parked on a vacant lot with a little wire fence and our trusty bicycles chained to the post. We had sweet and caring neighbors and grandparents close by and didn't even realize how blessed we were. I had cleaned and tidied up the best I could at 9 months pregnant... and counting. Over and over again I cleaned as each day came and went, for a couple weeks. Every day seemed like it might be the one to the point I thought maybe this was a terrible joke and I would stay pregnant forever. We had been timing contractions off and on for days and then... that special morning happened. I told your daddy what was happening so he rushed to school to make sure he had things in order for his substitute, chatted with some co-workers while I washed my hair and did my nails. I was trying my best to take care of a two-year-old Coby and make sure I had packed everything, but was having to stop every 5-7 minutes to practice the breathing techniques we had learned in our childbirth classes. We called Gma and Gdad to let them know it was D-day and I waddled to the car. We left Coby with Granny and Pap and headed to University Hospital in Lubbock, Texas. This experience went much smoother than our adventure with Coby and our desire to use Lamaze; not nearly as much persecution, and your daddy was allowed in the delivery room! Breakthrough let me tell you. The choices we made regarding our birth experience was still either frowned upon as though we had committed a criminal act, or admired greatly; depending on which nurses were on duty. Either they had turned the corner to embrace this strange new philosophy of a mother's right to decide rather than being strapped down, drugged, and a baby being ripped out of her body with no memory left of what had happened to her, and with no support of a loving family around her... or they had not. We were glad to be a part of that pioneering group of young parents in our day and I believe all you young mommies have reaped blessings and better health care for you and your babies, in part, from the courage of our generation; daring to be 'different' in the face of scoffers and the judgemental mindset of some medical staff and family members. It is 4:29 PM as I am typing this blog entry. 34 years ago, I'm sure I was employing fast-panting, keeping my eyes glued to a focal point, and your sweet daddy was rubbing my back until his hand went numb. The nurses even brought me extra pillows so I could be more comfortable; a nice change from the hefty old girl who threw an extra pillow at me when I was in labor with Coby as she sarcastically said, "Is this part of your little deal?" I remember my childbirth teacher during my pregnancy with you Amy; a young mother herself, coming in from the cold parking lot to check on us. Her hands were still cool as she took Daddy's place and rubbed my back during contractions. Her countenance was so gentle I remember, and she was a source of much needed encouragement during that hard transitional time. I'm thankful for her to this day. She told me I was doing a good job and that I could make it, just when I was beginning to wonder if I really could. Around 5:00 I was about ready to start pushing, so they moved me to the delivery room; dad got his sterile gear on as though he were a surgeon and helped me move from the gurney to the delivery table. Oh how I sometimes envy you girls getting to labor and deliver all in one room; in one bed with that relaxing atmosphere. At 5:55 on December 5, 1973 my sweet Amy girl was born. My namesake. Your sweet little round face and big wondering eyes won my heart the moment I looked into your face. Light brown hair as soft as a bunny rabbit and a rosebud of a mouth. I could hardly take it in how much I loved you; my baby girl. Amazing!! I guess the next memory I have is when Grandme, Granny's mom, came to visit. I had laid you on my bed to sleep and we were sitting in the living room visiting for a minute before I took Grandme back to see you. Suddenly we looked up to see Coby carrying you with his little arms wrapped securely around your neck as he wagged you into the room with such pride. I didn't want him to drop you, so I slowly walked toward him and softly said, "Thank you Coby for bringing your little sister to meet Grandme." With a sigh of great relief I took you from him, cradled you in my arms and handed you to your great-grandmother. Talk about sucking the air out a car! Good grief!! I think there were about 4 grown women in that room and the whole house could have been air-locked; tightly sealed with no way of breaking it. You and Cobynever knew there had been any danger at all. Oh the innocence of children! I love remembering and I am so glad babies don't stay inside their mamas any longer than nine months!!

Merry Christmas God...

2007-12-05T12:49:00.000-06:00

Dear God,
I want to tell You that I love You today. You have loved me with an everlasting love and I am so grateful that I am learning to love You back in that way as well. I know I don’t always do what You have for me to do. I fail so many times; yet here You are; loving and caring for me in extravagant and perfect ways. That’s just how You are, isn’t it? Your love covers a multitude of sin and causes fear to flee. Thank You for that Lord. Thank You so much that I have nothing to fear when I am walking with You; running with You wherever it is that You are going. Thank You for leading me, for making a way for me when things seem… even impossible. I am continually in awe of You. How a Holy God can take care of the whole universe; keeping the stars, sun, moon, and the earth in place and moving is beyond my thinking, but even more, I am amazed at how you can be so big and yet see the details of each person You’ve ever created, take time to count the hairs on our heads, and put up with all our childish and foolish ways. Thank You for Your mercy; for loving me in spite of myself; for growing me up by your Spirit and teaching me Your ways and purposes through Your precious Word. Thank you for loving me so much that You would come to earth as a tiny newborn baby, grow up with the same temptations that are common to man and yet not sin. Thank You for taking my sin upon your perfect and blameless self; for suffering and dying for me so that I could be forgiven and forever live with You. If you had stopped right there it would have been enough, yet You lavish Your blessings on Your people in so many ways. Thank You for this Christmas season when sharing Your love with a hurting world is made a bit easier because it’s all about You anyway. Thank You for teaching us to give, expecting nothing in return. Thank You for Your provision, Your peace, hope for the future, and the excitement and expectancy of knowing we can be a part of whatever You might do next. I love this adventure with You Jesus. You are my friend that sticks closer than a brother and I am safe with You. I love You.

Merry Christmas
Love, Jeannie

What I Love About Christmas...

2007-12-04T16:30:00.000-06:00

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? both, but wrapping paper is more fun to unwrap
2. Real tree or artificial? Artificial, but I love the smell of a real tree and hope to have one out on our porch.
3. When do you put up the tree? Right after Thanksgiving
4. When do you take the tree down? I try to have it down by the first week of January
5. Do you like eggnog? No
6. Favorite gift received as a child? A baby doll with a face that looked real; a surprise swing set. Was amazed that Santa knew how to put that thing up in the middle of the night.
7. Do you have a nativity scene? I have one but can't find it. Weird I know. I'll get another one this year for sure.
8. Hardest person to buy for? Pretty much all the men in my family.
9. Easiest person to buy for? The babies.
10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?One year Santa got mixed up and gave my sister a pretty baby doll and I got something like a Barbie. I was so disappointed I hid and cried.
11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Definitely mail. It just seems more personal.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? I love the old "It's a Wonderful Life" with Jimmy Stewart
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I always say I'll be finished by the second week of December, but inevitably we'll be shopping on Christmas Eve for those last minute treasures.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? I don't think so, but not sure.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Peppermint stick off the Christmas tree
16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Clear
17. Favorite Christmas song? "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" and "Mary Did You Know?"
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? I always liked being home on Christmas morning and Darrell and I still like the idea of it; it is a bit lonely though with all our kids not being there like the old days. We love going to their homes though to see what's underneath their trees and to have meals and good visits together; it's different than before, but still good.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Nope
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star... the same little piece of cardboard covered in aluminum foil that the kids and I made years ago when they were little. We had no money to buy decorations and that little star is such a treasure as it reminds me of how much love we have for each other regardless of our circumstances.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? We've always opened gifts first thing Christmas morning. However, I too love the PJ tradition on Christmas Eve; maybe Poppie and Gibbie will start a new tradition in this second half of life.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? This is not annoying, but I think it's sad that there are so many folks who are sad and depressed during this time of year because of memories of personal loss through death or divorce; not having a job or the finances to buy presents for their children; and that they see this happen year after year with no hope in sight. So very sad.
23. What I love most about Christmas? I love the sparkle of Christmas lights and decorations. I love that the weather finally resembles winter with cooler temps and leaves of gold and bronze and red. I love fires in the fireplace, Christmas music as I sit quietly with a cup of hot chocolate looking at all the dazzling memories of past Christmases hanging on our tree. I love our cozy Christmas house, the hustle and bustle of shoppers even though I'm not a great shopper. I love driving around with the radio on a station that plays continual Christmas music while looking at the Christmas lights in pretty neighborhoods. I love the smell of Barnes and Noble; browsing through all the Christmas books they have displayed in the center of the aisles and the smell of coffee. I love going to a Christmas Eve service with family; celebrating our King and Lord together with other believers. I love being with my children and their children and my mom and dad; my sisters and their families. As Emily said... "There is so much to love" about Christmas.

Christmas Ramblings 2007…

2007-11-28T16:06:00.000-06:00

I was sitting here at my computer listening to the first Christmas music of the season. I decided to work on my annual Christmas letter and thought I'd share the rough draft with my fellow bloggers. :0) This is definitely off the top of my head, but what wonderful thoughts sometime come off the top. ...

Sparkly soft snowflakes falling like cold little kisses… if only. Not in Central Texas, but we can dream, can’t we? Christmas brings up inside me a thankful heart. I always have a thankful heart, but at Christmas time it somehow becomes more magnified.

Thoughts of the Christ Child coming to earth as a tiny newborn baby; God incarnate; Savior for all mankind… if only we believe. His star in the East leading wise men from afar. Shepherds trembling at the sight and sound of a heavenly choir…. I mean, what would you do if you were outside in the middle of the night; looked up and saw a choir of angels for Pete’s sake? I’d tremble too I imagine.

Christmas is magical; supernatural as we come to grips with the God of the universe making a way for us to spend eternity with Him. What’s so bad about that? His plans and ways are perfect whether we understand them, wrestle with them, debate or argue with them… because, well… He is God and… we are not.

His love is amazing! In fact, isn’t it a wonder He didn’t just give up and start over? I thought about that with my own kids around the time they hit puberty, but loved them too much to really “pinch their heads off”. (who ever thought of a saying like that? Yuk!) Boy, am I glad we persevered; glad some of that Jesus-love filtered through to give us all grace to go on. OK, I’m about to say something that anyone who reads my Christmas letters is most likely used to by now. My kids are great!! Awesome grownups despite their sassy teenage years and our parental blunders. I have incredible grandchildren; six and one on the way. Allie, Jack, Cooper, Skyler, Claire, Asher, and “Popcorn”. I am moved to tears at the sight of them. Tears of love and tears of exhaustion. Ha-ha

Here’s what I think… I think God sees clearly and speaks His words of faith over us until we are transformed into the dream of His heart; that’s what I think. Some of us just take longer than others. That’s why He came to earth on that first Christmas Day, isn’t it? To make a way for us when there was no other way. He had a dream and though the world says there is no God; won’t they be surprised when one day they too will bow their knee and confess that Jesus is Lord? No one will get out of that one. Nobody! Whether we’re heaven bound or have made the choice to go elsewhere; every single knee will bow and every tongue will confess that He is Lord. If this Christmas message bugs you; let’s just say… God loves you too much to leave you alone. We love you too. Just think of it this way… what if those of us who believe are right?

Tiny Fingerprints on Window Panes...

2007-11-27T10:42:00.000-06:00

Sitting here, I look across the empty room;
So close behind the clamor
Tiny faces; fingers pressed upon the window panes are etched within my mind.
Lots of laughter mingled with predictable crying
As little ones yawn and rub their tired young eyes;

Zerberts and tickles usher the return of giggles and smiles
New words spoken as babies learn and grow
Amazed adults who used to be babies themselves not so long ago

Family... with a love so deep there is no end
Hugs so warm; how can I let go?
Toys, sippy cups and miniature spoons are left behind
Crumbs and spills; but still... I treasure them every time

As things are put back into place;
With a tear and a smile I reminisce;
I think to myself these encouraging words...
"They'll come again" I say
And gently wipe those tiny fingerprints away
With happy faces etched inside my mind

Revisiting Good Toughts of Honor and Love...

2007-11-16T09:42:00.000-06:00

As I read over the things I've written; comments, and my comments to your comments; I ran across this. It is my heart and I wanted to share it as a new entry to encourage all of you precious mother/daughters, mother/friends, and even all my sons. I've learned the importance of being transparent through the lives of my children most of all, and thuogh sometimes painful, this principle has brought so much freedom. We are not perfect people, nor will we ever be. We are a work in progress, and that is a good and Godly thing. If we don't see and face up to our weaknesses and imperfections, how will we ever change? As I am honest with myself and those who are dear to me; I am encouraged and affirmed, as well as sometimes corrected and challenged. You are all precious and I love and value each one of you so very much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

... It's a challenge to be a mom, isn't it, but so very rewarding. Every child is worth it all. I have four amazing kids who married some of the most wonderful people in the world. We now have 6 grandchildren and one more on the way (who has a very strong heartbeat I've heard) and I'm sure there will be more little ones to come. Mothering, even in this season of life, continues to be a challenge because I want to do it so well; and of course, I have not mastered my position perfectly; nor will I ever I've realized. However, I am finding there are even more rewards as life bumps along at break-neck speed. Where does the time go?!! Let's just say, 'bumpy' and 'speed' make for a wild ride, but I wouldn't trade the world for one mile of it. I obviously get weary and grumpy at times, but don't we all? Let me just say a word of encouragement to whomever may read this ... because in this "bloggy" world, we can say what we want, can't we? Be encouraged to always look at what you do in life in Light of Truth; whether it be mothering, being a Godly wife, husband, father, friend, co-worker, etc. Always keep centered in the love of God through His Son, Jesus, and even the challenging and overwhelming circumstances of life will come into perspective. Our responses will be loving and right when we passionately follow after His ways and purposes. I miss the mark when I lose sight of Him and life is good and right when He is my top priority. "His love is what holds everything else together." I am in awe of God's redeeming love over and over again.

A New Sweet Potato Recipe???

2007-11-15T16:18:00.000-06:00

I actually don't have a recipe. I'm not even a good cook, but every now and then I do something surprising and find that someone actually liked what I created. Amazing! Last night we hosted our Lifegroup to a Thanksgiving Dinner, of sorts, and my sweet potato casserole was a hit. I don't even have a recipe but someone asked for it. Isn't that something? Anyway, thought I'd share how this dainty dish transpired.

Peel and boil as many medium sized sweet potatoes as you'll need to feed as many folks as will eat them; cook until tender and drain. Plop some butter in there and mash it all up with an old-timey potato masher; sprinkle in some red hots and stir. Slap mixture in a casserole dish; toss some marshmallows on top and stick 'em in the oven on broil. As for me, I left the kitchen to light a few candles; fluff some sofa pillows, and start some soft relaxing music for the evening. Needless to say, the marshmallows burned black as tar, but then I like burned mashmallows. That's it. Easy breezy for sure. If you would rather have brown marshmallows instead of black; don't let the sweet potatoes stay in the oven more than about five minutes; if that long. Don't go do another chore or anything and expect to come back in the kitchen without your smoke alarm going off. Good thing that cold front had not hit full force and all the windows and doors were still open.

Critter Alarm!!...

2007-11-08T12:18:00.000-06:00

There is definitely fall in the air. The leaves are beginning to turn and pumpkins grace every porch and stoop as far as I can tell. The pansies and chrysanthemums are blooming and the birds are feasting on berries fit for a king. Speaking of those flying creatures; when we consider the birds of the air and the flowers of the field; how God Himself feeds and clothes them all; why should we worry or be anxious for anything? His care is perfect in every way. Oh my goodness! How can we be this blessed and not utterly explode with gratitude and joy?

Life is truckin' right along; jam-packed as ever. Just this morning when I thought about my calendar I said again, "Lord help us know how to simplify our lives for Pete's sake!!" My husband's last district game is tomorrow evening in Bryan, plus our annual Women's Conference at our church all day Sat for me. Then we start getting ready for playoff games (hopefully); and Thanksgiving for a mob of kids and grandkids. Oh how I do love fall! There will be groceries to buy, fire ants to kill and leaves to mulch believe you me. I noticed this morning while I was out watering in the front yard before work; huge fire ant hills with villages and cities of ant communities. Mice are beginning to come into our house like Gus-Gus and the gang. I could make little shirts and hats for them with the hope that they might help clean house and do laundry, but we've opted to set traps instead. Caught two just this morning. Cinderella would be appalled! Not to mention the snake Darrell spotted the other day while he was brushing his teeth. It was relaxing against the cool porcelain of the pot right beside his feet. Good grief!! It's a zoo at our house. He picked it up by it's head, went outside in his whitey-tighties and pitched it over the fence into the field. Believe me when I say, I carefully peek around every wall in either bathroom every time I go in there. Do I really think snakes are confined to bathrooms? I guess that mindset is somehow comforting... or not. It was just a little chicken snake he said... but WHO CARES?!!! Snakes do NOT belong in our house! That is just NOT OK!!! Oh happy fall.

This Book of Daniel Rocks!!!...

2007-11-08T11:45:00.000-06:00

The last week of the afore mentioned 12 week Bible study is tonight. It has been AWESOME to say the least. Did you hear me say not too long ago; that it's been a real nail-biter; sit-on-the-edge-of-your-chair event for me and the other women who've come consistently over the last three months? In fact, it's so good that Darrell and I plan to offer it, starting in February, to couples so the guys can get in on all this earth shaking revelation as well. We start out each week with discussing what we learned in the previous session and go over the material in our workbooks; then for an electrifying hour we sit and hear the next video session led by Beth Moore; an incredible teacher of the Word let me tell you. I had heard of her, but had never been involved in one of her studies. I love that her top priority is making Jesus famous throughout the earth. This particular study; over the book of Daniel, has tremendous insight... the first 6 weeks focusing on living with integrity in a Babylonian culture (so relatable) and the last six weeks over end time events; it covers the prophecies given to Daniel that are now history to us and also events still to come. The books of Daniel and Revelation, and a few others I have to admit; were usually Greek to me with all the symbolism, angels, kings and kingdoms; who struck down who, fighting goin' on in the heavenly realm, etc. etc. Lord have mercy! We do have a drama King, don't we? Anyway, though I still have much to learn, I am certainly understanding better than I ever have, God's purpose and plan for the nations of the earth and specifically for Israel, as time [calendar years, months, and weeks] closes down. Praise God we know who holds us in the palm of His hand!! I'd be paralyzed with fear if I weren't so excited about running with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords; the creator of all that is for Pete's sake. He is the Alpha and Omega; the beginning and the end... and I BELONG TO HIM! You do too if you know His Son. If God be for us, who in the heavenlies or on earth can be against us? Having that cemented in our brains could cause us to... as they say, raid hell with a water pistol, don't you think? We are more than conquerors through Jesus. No doubt about it. Can you tell I'm excited? Well, you're right. Call me crazy, but I'm having the time of my life walking with and living life wildly passionate for my Lord and Savior let me tell you. No greater place to be than in His presence; and you can take that to the bank. I know... I've written about this study before after one of the sessions when I was so excited I thought I might quite possibly shoot off into space like a sky rocket. Now, I can hardly wait until Feb. to get to facilitate this study in our home. Wish you could all be there! Well, I have to believe that if God is, in fact, leading us to offer this study; folks will come, they will be stirred to the max; 'til their glasses fly off and their hair stands on end with a passion to follow Jesus like never before. Oh that more of the world would be changed for His glory because of this treasure hunt; digging more deeply into His Word.

A Good Tired It Is...

2007-11-05T15:30:00.000-06:00

What a weekend! When the whole crew gets together, it is a wonderful craziness to be sure. Hopefully, everyone has recovered by now. This is the aftermath story where I would LOVE to post pictures if I knew how and if I had a digital camera. Surely one of the girls will do the honors. I took Friday off as the kids began to trickle in on Thursday evening with Beau, Sara, and Asher. So fun watching Asher laugh, growl, and toddle about. He gets more balanced and stronger every day I think. His Poppie lovingly calls him an orangutan since he kinda waddles while holding his arms out from his body like a monkey. The most delightful thing about Asher is that he almost always has a smile on his face and loves to be with just about anyone who will love on him. Friday morning there were errands to run, people to see, and an amazing afternoon with my oldest grandchild Miss Allie Jill Powell. I've always wanted to spend one-on-one time with each one of my grandchildren, especially as they get older, so this Friday was our day; a precious Gibbie/Allie afternoon to celebrate her 11th birthday. We started off with a very nice lunch at Amelia's in downtown Waco; browsed around Sironia a bit and then we both enjoyed Allie opening her first hint as to where she would shop first... a store that begins with the letter "T". She guessed right away that is was indeed Target; one of her favorite hangouts. She received gift cards for a couple places and ended up at a young girls' shop called Justice. After we shopped 'til we dropped, we headed out to our house where she carefully spread her loot on the living room floor to do a bit of 'show and tell' when her mama, Amy, and her aunt Sassy came out before the TCA football game. Allan, Emily, and claire joined us and we all loaded up and headed to the football field. What a crowd we brought! Coby is helping his daddy coach this year so he was already there on the sidelines. Adrielle and Skyler arrived before the rest of us and was asked to help sing an impromptu "National Anthem". Oh how I wish we had gotten there a few minutes earlier so we could have heard the beauty of it! Rounding up three carloads of folks, including two big kids, three toddlers and a baby; along with their parents is a slow-go sometimes. However, we all made it with everyone intact and accounted for. The game was exciting and we all had a great visit as we hearded kids and kept them from falling off the bleachers. TCA won against Brazos Christian Academy, so one more district win and we're off to the playoffs again. During half-time all the Senior athletes and their parents were recognized; then... this has never been done before, but Friday night the coaches along with their wives were also introduced and our hard working husbands were given cards with encouraging and honoring messages and gift cards for a meal at the Texas Roadhouse. So thoughtful of the parents who were involved in this gesture of gratitude. All the wives were given a rose for graciously supporting the men in our lives who give up so much energy and time from home during football season.

After the game, Amy and Cooper went to Coby and Adrielle's and Allie spent the night with us; along with the Waters and Kavalich's. Corey and Jack had gone hunting over close to Meridian at "The Place". They saw alot of deer but chose not to shoot. "Lucky deer", I thought. Saturday morning everyone but Poppie, Beau, and I went to the Baylor Homecoming parade. The three of us did a little decorating on our screened porch to make Allie's breakfast birthday more festive and then I 'cooked like rip', as Granny would have said. There were pretty flowers, gifts, and a string of 8X11 prints of Allie from the time she was little until now, hung with clothespins all around one corner of windows. Ten big balloons in shades of purple adorned the porch and there was food galore. We had so much fun honoring our little Allie who is growing up so fast. Such a beautiful young girl in every way. Later, some of us fixed sandwiches and lit candles placed on a big birthday cookie that had 'Happy Birthday Allie' written in icing through the middle. Instead of icecream, Allie had requested pudding. A funny memory of chocolate, butterscotch, and tapioca.

We donned our Baylor shirts and Beau's family joined us with their Texas Tech paraphernalia; bright red and black. We enjoyed so much visiting with all of them and wished we could get together much more than we do. Once a year or so is not nearly enough and I thought to myself... how blessed we are to be connected to such amazing families through the life choices of our children; every single one filled with good and Godly people! God has poured out incredible blessings in the people area and we are so thankful for each one.

As far as the Baylor Bears is concerned; the game did not go well, but the day itself could not have been more perfect with warm temperatures for November and lots of sunshine. Sadly, Claire Bear did not feel well so she and her mommy and daddy stayed at our house during the game to take care of her. We now know the fever was from a double ear infection and our sweet; normally happy Claire just did not feel "fit for nothin' " as Mamaw Selke would say. The nights were exhausting for her; and for Allan and Emily as well. Darrell and I stayed home from church to do what we could to keep Claire entertained while her daddy went to play golf with Coby Sunday morning and so that Emily could get a bit of extra sleep. Beau, Sara, and Asher left to have breakfast and visit with some close friends who live in Temple. Darrell went to pick up the Powell boys from Coby and Adrielle's so that Amy and Allie could take off for their Mommy/daughter retreat in Dallas. Jack and Cooper played football until their cheeks were red and Cooper was getting cranky from trying his best two-year-old tackling techniques on his big brother. They had so much fun and we had so much fun watching them. When Skyler arrived she got right in the middle with her cute little hair bow, twirly skirt and got the football. Cooper tackled her and it was so funny to watch such a girly-girl hold her own with a bruiser of one of her cousin buddies. A perfect afternoon it was; Claire started feeling better, the Waters got back from Temple; Coby and Allan finished a fun round of golf and when Corey got back, we could honestly say, "The gang's all here"... except for Amy and Allie. It was wild and crazy, but so much fun! As Skyler crawled up into my lap she pointed at my glasses and said, "I like your windows." Such a funny funny little girl! I guess she was trying to find something good to say since I hadn't taken the time to really brush my hair, put on make-up, or install my daily contacts. I love that my grandkids are affirming even when I'm at my worst.

Saying 'good-bye' as everyone decided to head home was another adventure. We don't just leave in our family; saying good-bye is a project. Loading, kids crying, squealing, running, unpacking, packing again, finding missing toys, shoes, diaper bags, etc. Folding up pack-n-plays, getting the dogs to quit licking babies in the face, brushing the dirt off clean clothes, holding, kissing good-bye once more, carseats; more screaming, calming, starting videos (what a great invention), going back in the house for sippy cups, travel snacks, a stray sock; more hugs, closing the doors, fastening seatbelts and they're off. We wave until they are out of sight, sadly sigh wishing they had trickled out more slowly. We go into our quiet house and straighten the mess of leftover love and laughter, and then crash.... at least for a little while. What a great weekend! I LOVED every minute of it.

Admitting I Am Truly A Cracked Pot...

2007-10-25T11:11:00.000-05:00

Have you ever read that little book, "God Uses Cracked Pots"? Well, I am one of those. Hopefully, there is Light that shines through here and there; yet nevertheless, here I am, cracked and so imperfect! I'm thankful that I could say some things in my last 'grumbling' blog entry that was relatable to probably most mothers in America. Those feelings and observations were true in my mind... but were they loving? That is the question I've had to ask myself over the last several days. The greatest commandment God ever gave was for us to love Him with all our hearts, souls, and strength; to love our neighbors as ourselves. Who is our neighbor? Could it be our husbands and children? Those precious gifts from God given to us for a lifetime; for eternity? We live in an imperfect world with imperfect people and I'm wondering if when I voiced my frustration with my family; wasn't this a form of self-focus; somehow being puffed up; exalting me rather than finding a place to honor and value my family? God knows they could write a tribute to my inadequacies, flaws, mistakes, and sarcastic comments... but they didn't. Of course, stuff happens that is unfair; misunderstandings, unloving words and actions occur; especially in a family. Not only do we all deal with our flesh, but we have an enemy who loves to drop little whispers of dissension, bitterness, and self-pity in our ears to cause disunity. Afterall, the family is God-ordained; a picture of Christ and His Church; a place to practice having a servant heart toward others. A family is a place to grow and to be changed more and more into the image of Jesus... the greatest servant of all. Our adversary, the devil, hates Jesus and he hates you and me as well. He "comes to steal, kill, and destroy; but Jesus came to give life and that more abundantly". The phrase "What would Jesus do?" has become a meaningless cliche to many; yet there is so much Truth in that question. I would do well to consider it before blogging. :0) Please forgive me Darrell for the things I might have said that dishonored you; forgive me Coby, Amy, Sara, and Emily for becoming defensive when surely anything you've ever said or done was not meant to harm or hurt me. Thank you for forgiving me when I've said or done things that hurt you. I am thankful and very humbled that God could still use my transparency to bring about a camaraderie among mothers, young and old; to let us all know there is nothing new under the sun. We all struggle with big and seemingly trivial things in our marriages and in relationships with our children; whether they are still babies or all grown up. That is life. However the question is, for all of us I think... Will we choose to love unconditionally even when it's hard or just when we are being affirmed; when we 'feel' loved and valued? We are all changing and growing in our families, aren't we? Growing in love and honor and blessing toward each other is the principle thing, I believe. Lord help me to do better; to love with Your uncompromising and unconditional love. Lord, be glorified in our families that others might see You more... and us less. God bless whoever reads this today. Please understand that I am still on a journey and that sometimes I get tired and stumble... and not very gracefully at that.

Standing in the Shadows... or I Don't Know What!

2007-10-22T11:52:00.000-05:00

I wonder if this is true about all men or just my four punkin seeds' daddy? To be sure, he is a wonder. The things he can get by with... that I can't, are no less than astounding at times. He has always been a favorite of his little princesses; a hero to his son... as it should be. He has always been their 'knight in shining armor' and has surely had the wisdom of a prophet in their eyes; the man who could rescue them from any earthly dragon. I'm sure their perspective has alot to do with the fact that I was a common occurance on a daily basis; he was a rare and wonderful surprise who popped in with his happy-go-lucky demeanor. Always playful; never demanding anything; always there with a generous hand whether our bank account actually had a balance or not. Whatever they want they get... short of him REALLY hanging the moon for them of course. If I am listening to a favorite song and they think it's boring; the radio station gets changed. If they dropped the ball on an obvious and well-known responsibility, "it's OK". They're too tired; too busy; need to have more fun and less work or just didn't understand. I would say, "Get a job." and he would say, "They're only kids once." I would say "No driving until you have a license." He would give them the keys.... afterall we lived in a small town, so "what could it hurt?" I would say, "This is your last warning!" He would watch them do it again and say, "Don't let your mama know." What am I; chopped liver?!! However, I will say, at those few times he would demand obedience or respect or give correction, our kids would listen up. He could do more good with one phrase than I could with the wisdom of a thousand words given seven days a week just to help them survive until adulthood. My husband can be bored out of his mind at a meeting, family gathering or public function; sit there like a bump on a pickle and not say a word unless someone wants to talk to him about football, and he is lauded as the life of the party; the wise one; the mentor of youth in America. I can voice a comment alluring to a small frustration and my kids will come to bat for their daddy; jump on me like chickens on a junebug, sure I am jumping to unfounded conclusions. They are sure that whatever their daddy does is right and most likely understandable; from leaving his socks in a ball and apple cores on the floor in the living room; to spending much needed time sleeping in front of a blaring TV. It is true that he works alot of hours and goes the extra mile when it comes to his job. He will truly drop everything to help someone who asks... well, almost anyone. Need I tell you the hours that mothering demands? I will not even go there. Funny, the sympathy this man of my dreams receives as he falls exhausted into his trusty recliner with everyone's blessing, yet I get tired and am mockingly told that I am getting 'old'. I turn up the TV a notch and reference to becoming elderly is once again spoken over me. Never mind the brain-cell-destroying volume I endured as they were growing up.

I try to diligently work in my home to make it an orderly, beautiful and inviting retreat for all who enter our door; have spent years learning and improving my ability to do these things and keeping my home is something I honestly enjoy and find rewarding. In turn, I am laughed at for my clean and tidy habits. Trying to get everything done each morning before I go to work is not always successful, so there are things left to do on the weekends. Just the other day, I remembered some garden tools that were left out, so I went to put them away; fed the dogs while I was at it; loaded the dishwasher and started the laundry. I had fixed a nice breakfast for my family earlier and at some point I went out to sweep the porch; all of which I thought needed to be done while my dear husband and our youngest and her husband enjoyed watching ESPN for awhile before we had more company. As I walked through the living room, I again was mocked and accused of 'pacing', rather than any acknowledgement of accomplishing anything worthwhile. Ah well, at least the tools were put away, clean towels were on the way, the dogs were fed, there would be a clean counter free of the breakfast mess, and less cobwebs and leaves for grandbabies to munch on while playing out on the porch. I heard a little song recently regarding the quirks of some dear people and thought it was actually funny... until I later thought to myself.... "I wonder what my verse says?" and then it wasn't funny any longer. I am still trying to be a good wife/mother/grandmother, but I fall short so many times. I wish I were more fun, cuter, more 'with it', but I am me. I keep plugging along, doing what I think is best; working hard at what I am called to, even though there is no monetary value or payment for it. I keep loving how my kids love and respect my sweet husband and wondering how he gets by with stuff. One evening as we took two sleepy and cranky grandbabies home to put them to bed and after realizing the extra pack-'n-play had been left in a car that wasn't where we were; one of my girls called their daddy thinking maybe he would stop watching a football game with the boys and bring it. He surprisingly said, "Just lay him on a bed with pillows around him when he goes to sleep. He'll be fine." She thought how funny her daddy was. Am I funny when I give instructional and/or practical advice like that? I don't think so! That man! :0)

Regarding my Two Heavenly Grandchildren...

2007-10-19T15:38:00.000-05:00

I wrote this as a comment for Amy on her blog, but didn't know when you might check your comments again since it's been a few days since your entry concerning your memory boxes for your babies who have gone to heaven early. I so much wanted you to be encouraged by what I felt God was showing me concerning you and them. It was so beautiful, though once again, I wonder if words can adequately describe such glorious happenings. I love you Amy.

~~~~~~~~~

It's taken me a few days to know what to say Amy. I think of your two heavenly babies so often. I think about how old they'd be in this time frame; I wonder what they look like and do they somehow know from where they live that they are loved so much here on earth as well? I mostly think happy thoughts about those two. I think they are probably good buddies and that they are having so much fun playing and growing in the Lord. No cares, no worldly struggles, never a tear or a sad moment for eternity already. I'm sure they know Grandpa Andrick, Granny and Pap, and Corey's dad. I'm sure of it! I miss them too, but hasn't God been so gracious to give all of us a very real glimpse of the reality of heaven because your babies were here and have gone on to be with Him? Our temptation... or I should say... MY temptation is to get so attached to earthly possessions and experiences at times. I think the lives of your little ones who we have yet to meet, have brought my perspective into balance. I can more easily say, "Come quickly Lord Jesus!" and not grieve for more time in this realm. I think that is something that certainly changes with age as well. I'm thankful that we do not grieve as those who have no hope. (I Thess. 4:13-18) Here is a picture of what I think God has shown me for you today sweet girl; a vision of a moment that is still to come; I see you on that day of the trumpet of God when we are all taken up together; certainly we rejoice and are in awe of the face of Jesus; certainly that would be enough to last all eternity long, but He takes pleasure in seeing you meet your babies face to face as well. I see you... and Corey too; clothed in white with a heavenly glow on your faces; you're running through the happy crowd with an expectation that is more certain than anything you've ever known and then you see them! They see you and know you; they run with laughter and smiles right into your arms. Oh sweet reunion!!

Musings of a Coach's Wife...

2007-10-15T16:14:00.000-05:00

I am pondering my life right now; at exactly 4:16 PM on a Monday afternoon, I'm thinking about what is hard and flipping that over to see how blessed I really am. Fall is one of my most favorite seasons for alot of reasons and in fact, this last weekend was great with cool breezes, a Southern Living party with girlfriends out on our screened porch, some rewarding yardwork, a visit with one of my little granddaughters, and MUCH needed time with my husband.... with him actually awake. Football season is the worst for perfecting our communication skills let me tell you; but it's only a season that lasts from August through November. My sweetheart, who I have loved for the last 38 years, is bone tired during those months and very focused on high school football. So many responsibilities in a world I am not really involved with, other than attending most of his football games. He has a circle of friends and co-workers I am barely familiar with and though I am the most intmatly acquainted person on earth with this man, I sometimes feel estranged at some level. I see him only from a distance it sometimes seems... but I do get to see him and I love what he does. I love that so many people respect and honor him; I love that he has a positive influence on kids and that he is mentoring young men who help him coach. At the same time, I wrestle with loneliness in the deepest part of who I am and often fight off a bit of depression because of our seasonal disconnection.... and if I am honest, and I will be honest... bitterness tries to raise it's ugly head, but we'll have none of that. I've got the scoop on that lying spirit and I love Darrell Lee Selke way too much to let the busyness of his life cause a root of bitterness to have it's way in me. That's happened before in our younger years and it's a pit I do not wish to have to climb out of again. I am learning that it is better to do something; anything productive rather than sit in a chair watching a TV show or movie under the guise of "spending time together" while he's really sleeping. Just to sit there waiting for him to wake up only causes all the afore mentioned oppressive attributes to fester, causing my good perspective on life to get somewhat distorted and out of focus. Saturday when this familiar scenario began I decided to leave; not out of anger or bitterness, but out of the desire to stay loving and kind-hearted toward my man. FYI... you must understand that this husband of mine had only slept for about 6 hours total in the last two nights; so sleeping was not something he had control over; it was something he truly needed. So he slept and never knew I was gone until about two hours later. I did some shopping and went over to my son's house and so enjoyed my time with him, Adrielle, and their little Miss Skyler. It was refreshing to sit out around their fire pit for a good visit. Adrielle cooked hotdogs, Skyler and I went to play on her swingset, and Coby tried to keep from burning down the house with his manly fire. ha-ha I love being with family and being together with them is always encouraging and life-giving to my soul. Darrell called while I was there and had slept well, but was surprised that he hadn't realized I'd left. However, we're all the better for it I believe. I was so glad to see him when I returned; the sadness had lifted and there was no frustration with our circumstances. Sunday morning we sat out in the backyard snuggled up on the glider with those cool fall breezes blowing our cares away. We talked and dreamed together; held each other and I loved being once again cradled in his arms. He knew I was there and feeling the reality of his care and attention took my breath away; as though our hearts had touched that place when love was new. We're still making memories and I love this man I married. If we could go back in time I would marry him all over again .

It'll Knock Your Socks Off!

2007-10-12T12:43:00.000-05:00

I am involved in the most exciting Bible study I have ever done thus far in my walk with Jesus... bar none! I'm not kidding! Beth Moore is an incredible Bible teacher and has insight that could only be divinely imparted. She is so relatable, funny, and has a way of teaching that hits the spot every time. Last night we learned about Daniel chapter 8, which has always been "Greek to me", but I am beginning to understand; it is somewhat like a light fading on instead of off; getting brighter and more clear as each week passes by. Amazing... especially if you know what kind of student I normally have been since about the 4th grade. Known for having the attention span of a 5 year old... as an adult; disjointed thought patterns that I'm sure make my brain look much like a crazy quilt; brightly colored with no apparent order. Needless to say; I am pumped not only by what I am hearing, but by the fact that I am actually retaining the information being poured into my head at a new and surprising level. I am seeing God's Spirit get through to my heart in a fresh way. This is phenomenal! A room full of women are learning and understanding beyond anything I've ever experienced regarding the subject of eschatology (the study of end time events) and living with integrity in a Babylonian culture.... long story. Our discussion last night went smoothly and it seemed easy for everyone to open up and share their hearts. I LOVE this study! Last night's video session was no less than amazing; almost overwhelming with all the information that was jam-packed into my little brain. I think it was kinda like gulping down a bucket of water as fast as possible; gasping for breath in between every few swallows. However, everything came together in the end and the realization that Daniel 8 is historical and we; you and I, are now in the "church age" that began with Acts chapter 2. We're on! It's our time, our era. We are the dot on the timeline right NOW... what are we going to do with that? A sobering question. Beth Moore challenged us to "live with purpose", not in mediocrity and apathy concerning the signs of the times; not to get caught up in the hum-drum of daily stuff, so much so that we miss out on this wild and glorious ride with Him; but rather run with the Most High God wherever He is going. We are seeing through our study that everything that was prophecy to Daniel in chapter 8; is history to us to the tiniest detail... now it's our turn; front and center with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! What are we going to do about it? That question has rolled over and over in my mind as I was driving home last night and on waking up this morning. God knows our hearts and our desire to please Him. He will lead us by His Spirit and give us grace to be and do what He has planned for us, won't He? I am more excited about the future than I've ever been; I love God's Word more than I ever have. Our goal is to understand and love God more deeply and I see that happening in every single woman who is consistently coming to Bible study week after week. Understanding the battle we are in and where our adversary, the devil, is attacking us individually in order to wear us down, is actually giving us better insight into how the Lord is fighting the battle of our lives as we allow Him to do it; resulting in the total destruction of the plans of the enemy. In Daniel 7, it talks about the "little horn" with a big boastful and arrogant mouth. Daniel was in awe of the audacity of this creature; that he would speak with such boldness in the very presence of the Most High God. Of course, the end of this lying and deceitful one is inevitable. He will be smashed to powder with the very breath of God and the splendor of His coming. Because of the rebellion and evil oppression this slime-ball has brought against the people of God, the end of him will be sure and certain; no doubt about it. Though life is many times very hard and circumstances become overwhelming (we learned the word 'oppress' literally means 'to wear away' or 'wear out' as one would wear out a garment); knowing that this oppressive behavior is a strategic move of the enemy of our souls; somehow this helps me to have faith in God to deliver, strengthen, and make way for victory. Did I tell you I LOVE this study? So freeing! I honestly do not know why this is called a "women's" study. I know for a fact that my son and sons-in-law would devour what I am learning. I have some real history buffs in my family and they would eat this up like biscuits and gravy on a camp-out. I've never thought about loving history, but I find myself utterly intrigued with how God has orchestrated His divine will throughout the ages. He knows how to tell time and time is in His hands. He's not surprised by anything and knows the beginning from the end like the back of His hand. He knows what kingdoms will rise up and when they will fall. He's the boss of it all and I find great comfort in knowing that fact. Well, how's that for an overview of a Beth Moore study over the book of Daniel thus far... in a nutshell of course? I am just so excited about learning and feel that my heart and brain might just explode at given moment.

I'm Tagged... re: My Man!

2007-10-02T11:21:00.001-05:00

1. Who is your man? Darrell Lee Selke
2. How long have you been together? married 37 years
3. How long did you date? About a year with a six month break-up in between.
4.How old is your man? 57
5. Who eats more? I'm not sure.
6. Who said "I love you" first? He did.
7. Who is taller? He is.
8. Who sings better? We both sing
9. Who is smarter? He is as far as remembering facts, math, etc.
10. Whose temper is worse? Mine.
11. Who does the laundry? Me
12. Who takes out the garbage? Sometimes he helps.
13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? I do.
14. Who pays the bills? I do.
15. Who is better with the computer? We're about even I think
16. Who mows the lawn? We both do, but I think I enjoy it more.
17. Who cooks dinner? If we are home... I do... IF I cook at all.
18. Who drives when you are together? We both do whether he's behind the wheel or not. ha
19. Who pays when you go out? He does.
20. Who is most stubborn? On second thought, we'd come in about even on this one.
21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? I am. He never thinks he is wrong.
22. Whose parents do you see the most? Mine. His are in heaven. That would be quite a trip.
23. Who kissed who first? It was mutual.
24. Who asked who out? He asked me.
25. Who proposed? He did.
26. Who is more sensitive? I am more openly sensitive, but Darrell is moved with compassion for sure.
27. Who has more friends? He knows a lot of people, but I think neither one of us have alot of really close friends. We're working on that one.
28. Who has more siblings? I do; two sisters and Darrell has one brother.
29. Who wears the pants in the family? Definitely Darrell. Our marriage works better when it is him leading and we like it that way!

Your Thoughts are Mine.... All Over Again

2007-09-27T12:55:00.000-05:00

Well girls, I have caught up on all your blogs and I must say I have been blessed, challenged, and have laughed out loud at times. All of you are priceless as you mommy your way through life in this season. I love it! My heart aches with you in your challenges, and cheers you on as you successfully love and make a home for your husbands and children. Whether it's the exasperation of teaching your boys to pee in the potty or trying to set up a new home in a strange new place; noticing how your third baby's head has grown and changed marking the passing of time, or spending part of an afternoon making funny faces with your baby girl. All your thoughts are important and life-giving to others. Stories of tender moments with your big girl while laying in the grass; talking about life and dreams to come. A life journey back to where love began or one in which you found your way back to where God had planned for you all along. Wondering how in the world to keep all the tiny carpet pieces picked up so your baby boy won't choke or saving your little girls' life from a big spider dangling from the ceiling in your car. I love experiencing with your babies the discovery of turtles, snakes, riding tractors or eating yogurt with a new spoon. Finger-painting, first haircut, and sleeping with a baseball bat. Bunny slippers, the Wiggles, speaking Spanish, and as the dawning of day; to finally realize that Barney is, in fact, a dinosaur. I love gaining knowledge regarding eating healthy and well; adding foods that have been in God's green earth all the time, that I am just now finding out about. I am loving life with you and remembering where I've been... only a little while ago? I too have loved as deeply and cried out at the unfairness and tragedy of life at times. I have rejoiced at finding my way and struggled with my inadequacies and failures. I know you; not because you are my girls or because you are a kindred spirit; but because I have lived a life full of experiences not unlike the ones you are living right now; experiences that are forever etched in my mind and treasured in my heart. Keep writing my precious girls. You are a blessing to so many.

Running; Now That's A Novel Idea...

2007-09-21T14:47:00.000-05:00

Running; something I admire more than words can tell. When; how does that happen for some and not for others? Running is something that happens only in my imagination. However, the other day I decided to make my dream a reality. I got up at 4:30 AM with what I thought was a resolve to begin again; take those baby steps toward getting physically fit before I'm an old lady. I put on my workout clothes, turned on the outside lights and began to jog around the back yard. I would rather run out on our country road, but that is not an option at 4:30 in the morning. Dogs howl, people come out with their shotguns wondering if I'm a burglar. Since there is no shoulder to move over on when cars and trucks pass by and bothersome dogs who get a kick out of chasing me as though I were a rabbit innocently hopping across a field; my back yard is the better option. That day, I ran to where the shadows swallowed the light beside the septic system fence and back past the screened porch to the jasmine vine growing gracefully up and over a wooden trellis; around a small Oak tree I would go and back again. I did this twice and thought my lungs might burst or my legs would surely detach and fall off. So walking seemed to fit my style and I did this on the same path; over and over and over again for about 20 minutes trying to visualize a flat tummy and firm thighs; pounds falling off one by one with every step. I was feeling pretty good about myself and at the time thought, "I can do this! I'll jog and walk every day; or maybe three times a week at the least. Jog and walk; walk and jog. A perfect time to pray, sing to the Lord, strengthen my heart and renew this half century old body to boot." By nightfall I was totally exhausted and slept until 6:00 the next morning. No running, no walking since then; just a couple stretches here and there as I dream about what it would be like to stick with it; to be consistent; to run in a marathon? Well, maybe around the block a couple times a week. Lord, I can tell, You are my only help in this seemingly impossible cycle of repeatedly failing to revisit my youthful body. Where did it go and is it beyond my reach to fight the flab once more?

I'm Tagged...

2007-09-12T10:38:00.000-05:00

I am tagged, but I have no one else to tag since the only ones I am 'blog-attached' to are my girls and my niece, Brook. They have already tagged themselves and it's been fun to read the 8 random facts/habits about each one who has written. I already knew some of them... since they are my girls, but it was fun to see what they think about themselves and what is memorable to them.

The Rules:

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.

2. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.

3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their 8 things) and post these rules.

4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose people to get tagged and list their names.

5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

My 8 Things:

1. Though I've always been a Texan, I was born in Oklahoma... and now have a daughter and her family living in Oklahoma... as of TODAY!

2. I have a strong desire to become a writer. Well, daylight's burnin'. I'm 57 years old for Pete's sake!

3. I was 1st runner-up in a beauty contest when I was 19.

4. I was accepted for an audition into a musical group that traveled all over the United States, but couldn't try out because my parents thought I needed to work that summer. I was crushed and am still sad when I think of it.

5. One of my favorite things to do as a child was to pretend I was a mermaid when I went swimming.

6. I have a secret desire (well, I guess not anymore) to sing with our praise band at church, all members of whom are in their 20's or early 30's. Well, I still feel that young in my mind.

7. God has given me a dream of having a beautiful place of refreshing and rest for those who need a day or a weekend to get alone with God; a pretty storybook cottage on our property with a lovely garden all around it. A place my parents might enjoy as well when they come for visits; and for me, as a get-away for my writing on days we did not have guests.

8. I would like to get physically fit once more before I am old; would love to travel the US and beyond; experience new places, cultures, and people from other nations; see all four seasons in the Northeastern states of America. (I know, that's kinda like 10 things instead of 8, isn't it?)

A Day of Remembrance...

2007-09-11T16:31:00.001-05:00

I sit here quietly after hearing the news; a reminder to pray for the families and loved ones of those who lost their lives six years ago today on September 11th. None of us will ever forget that fateful moment in time, will we? I was on my way to work when a distraught reporter on the radio; moved with great emotion and fear, said one of the twin towers in New York City had been hit. A plane gone off course perhaps; surely a horrible accident!?! Then I walked into my place of employment where it is usually very quiet; a loving and peaceful place to work. That day in history was different and is still etched in our minds; made fresh again as we remember. Several co-workers stood around a TV screen in the football office as we watched smoke billow out of the first tower. Suddenly, another plane smashed into the second tower. We knew it was no accident. Something horrible was happening to our nation. Our safe place had been violated. Shortly after that we heard about the Pentagon and a plane that had gone down in a remote countryside somewhere in the northeast. Were they all connected? Was this the beginning of WW III... on American soil?!! It was like a nightmare; surely we would wake up in our familiar comfort and ease; surely this wasn't happening... but it was! I wanted my family! I wanted my kids and grandchildren, especially Corey and Amy and their children who lived in the Metroplex. I wanted them to come home; to be in my house. I wanted them out of the city; out of reach from the sound of planes flying overhead. I wanted all of us to be together; to hold each other; pray together. God please intervene and make sense out of this violence! The horror was not over. As firemen and policemen quickly went into the buildings to rescue and help people who were still alive in the Twin Towers, suddenly and within seconds the huge skyscrapers fell and huge billowing clouds of dust and smoke enveloped the city for blocks and miles. Very few who were inside lived to tell about it. Nearly 3,000 precious people died that day. War had come to America. Ungodly and wicked men; radical Muslims who hate and desire to do evil even at the cost of their own lives. Such deception dictated straight from the enemy of our souls and embraced by foolish men. They wanted to destroy America with no care or thought for innocence; only hate, murder and destruction possessed them with a false hope of going into eternity to molest however many virgins they believe are promised to them. Such perversion; a people lost and hopeless. Yet we who believe; we who have received Jesus into our hearts have hope. All is not lost, and we know more than ever that we must go to the ends of the earth to tell the Good News. He is alive; the God of all that is will have a people from every nation, tribe, and tongue who will worship Him. He made a way for us... and them, through the sacrifice of His only begotten Son, Jesus; through His suffering, death, and resurrection, He has made a way. If only those who are lost and searching for truth can know and turn their hearts to this loving Savior. Lord, help us to reach out to even those whose plans are evil and not good. How will they know if we do not tell them? How will the violence ever come to an end if the Prince of Peace is not revealed? So we say, "Here am I Lord; send me." We will go to a lost and hurting world with the power of love, justice, and Truth as our weapons; even when some would say it can't be done.

When Words Are Not Enough...

2007-09-06T10:28:00.000-05:00

As I wondered what to say to my grieving friend; I knew words would be inadequate. I couldn't know what she felt. I've never been where she is. I wrapped my arms around her and tried to help carry her sadness. Later these thoughts came to me as I longed for her... and for me to feel and know His presence:

"God's Comfort"

Sometimes it's in silence

We sense His quiet love;

Not unlike the touch of cool

An evening breeze in summer gives.

Impossible to grasp the wind,

Yet what a comfort to feel it.

Writing Smiting...

2007-09-04T11:16:00.000-05:00

My fingers fly across the keyboard; spilling out thoughts, prayers, and dreams; funny and heartfelt stories regarding life situations. Who knows if all this is worthwhile, who knows if anyone even reads my ramblings; yet it is somehow therapeutic for this person who can't help but think and feel deeply to have an avenue of release; a place to 'get it all out'. I am an open book for sure and may just haul off and write one someday. Although, unlike my eldest daughter; I have NOT yet been discovered. :0) I stepped out, became vulnerable and sent one of my writings with a tale of outdoor wanderings and nature observations only to be courteously rejected. A reply something like, "I can see you feel connected to nature as I do. Keep writing."... end of story. Ah well, I suppose I will keep writing, only because I can't help myself.

Weeds and Water...

2007-08-30T12:27:00.000-05:00

I was up and at 'em bright and early this morning around 5:30. I HAD to get some watering done. Our yard/gardens are absolutely burning up. Our trees have grown so much in the last couple years that there is lots of shade; hence lots of dirt and not much grass. Our yard is a royal mess let me tell you. I am seriously considering getting advice and help from a professional landscape guy just to see if maybe his crew can come clear out all the weeds, grass, etc. from our flowerbeds and prepare good soil in those places so I can actually get in there to plant something pretty. I would love to put some shade-loving grass in our yard as well, but we'll just have to do a price check on that. We might sow some rye grass for fall and winter and do something else in the spring. Might be more cost effective that way. All I know is, I don't think I have the energy or the time for my big flower gardens since we've allowed them to get so overgrown. I think once we get them cleared and planted I can keep up with them. Just need a little help. I'm sure there is a spiritual object lesson somewhere in all this. Hmmmmm... how 'bout this? ... Visualize a life that becomes cluttered with who knows what; confusion about what is important and what needs to be discarded; help from others in the Body of Christ who are strong in Godly wisdom regarding prioritizing and seeing God's heart. Those who are stronger come alongside to help guide and speak Truth into a person's life who is needing help. Lord knows we all need folks like that who will gird us up; help us and pray for us when we are weak and lose our way, don't we? I get so excited about my little plot of land out on FM 1860 when I see how God can use it, even when it's in disarray, to teach His ways and principles. His very own creation becoming a way to invest His love, compassion, and beauty into the lives of people. I just love that!

God Speaks To A Hungry Heart

2007-08-30T11:37:00.000-05:00

After our discussion about prayer last night during lifegroup, I was troubled and wondering. It seemed that we were floundering; not knowing what the will of God is in light of our own or other people's painful circumstances. So much heartache in the world around us and frustration that we are many times unable to make a difference through prayer. As I have been seeking God these past few weeks on this very subject; asking Him to examine and convict my heart of any nook or cranny that is not fully surrendered to Him; I believe He is showing me, at least on a personal level, some things about my walk of faith with Him. His Word is His will and if that is true, then we can not dispute what He says. We cannot put more faith in even a good man's experience rather than in God's Word that "He exalts above all His name", can we? He says, "I wish above all things that you would prosper and be in health even as your soul prospers." He says, "Lay hands on the sick and they WILL recover." Why aren't they recovering?! Saying that sometimes God is in cahoots with the enemy and that it is His will to kill, steal, and destroy to teach us a lesson just does not cut it for me. That does not bear witness in my spirit. I don't know all the answers, but I do know that in the fogginess of my heart and mind within this imperfect state in which I find myself; I am persuaded that if there are any flaws; they are mine, not God's. I see that truly, by the love of Him who lives in me that I must NEVER stop crying out to God for folks who are sick and hurting. How can we? We must never stop expecting to see miracles in this lifetime. I'd rather step out on the water with Jesus, sink, and let Him help me up again than to never step out at all. There's just nothing new under the sun, is there? Believers have struggled with the subject of faith since the beginning of time. Let me just say; I'm so glad I have people to walk with who genuinely seek to know more; who passionately desire to walk with Jesus intimately and are open to hearing Truth even if we thought we knew and understood, only to find out we didn't. God is breaking down walls, growing us up, purifying our hearts, and raising us to another level with Him in our faith I believe. I find myself wanting to be more committed than ever, but wondering if I've got the guts to sacrifice my time, energy, resources, my agenda; my question to myself is... Will I, in fact, die to my flesh in order to see the face of God? Will I put aside those things which so easily beset me in order to walk in His miraculous power and love and then share what He has given with others? Will I be humble enough to let go of my own thoughts or the teachings of good well-meaning people who may even love Jesus; in order to allow the Spirit of God to teach me Himself? Those are the questions I am asking myself today. So, I am encouraged. God is my strong tower; my help in times of trouble and when I do not understand, He carries me and draws me close to His heart. A friend who I have known for nearly thirty years and who has voiced these same struggles, emailed me just yesterday and shared a scripture from Hebrews 11:13 which brings life into perspective I think, "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth." We are passing through, aren't we? We will stand in faith because God is, not because we necessarily see with our eyes or touch with our hands. We walk with expectation of His manifested wonders, but are content to just be in His presence. Joy and blessing come even in the midst of the storms that rage around us, don't you think?

Random Thougts...

2007-08-28T11:24:00.000-05:00

OK, so here I am writing into the airwaves once more. Who knows what I will say, because I have no plan to speak of. I love to read the blogs I visit, so thought I'd send something out that might, hopefully, be a blessing or cause a smile perhaps. What thoughts roll around in my head; mostly about God; how He is moving, how much I love Him. I think about how He is orchestrating my life together with my husband; the lives of my children and where He is leading. I think about how the world has gone crazy with outlandish going's on that are so far away from anything that would remotely honor God. Lord Jesus! What is this world coming too?... an end I believe, but not without God's constant reminders of how good He is; how faithful He is to carry us through the storms of life. The way of the world and the dark pit some unknowingly spiral down into can be overwhelming as I think and observe from a distance; feeling helpless to help or do anything about it. So much to pray about. Lord help me to hear Your voice that I might pray effectively. But even in the travail and pain of intercession, God brings a refreshing in the beauty of His creation. He gives me hope when I consider the gift He's given in my loving and generous husband, amazing children; my family and friends with whom God has blessed my life in so many ways. He has given me His Word that He exalts above all His name; words of Truth that show me the way to go; what to do and how to stand in faith when the world says it can't be done. There are moments when I feel that life has somehow passed me by; that perhaps I have not accomplished nearly a fraction of what God intended... yet how much life I have enjoyed and there are still years to come I'm sure. Lord, help me to make the most of the time You've given; help my life to somehow make a difference for Your glory. You say, "nothing is impossible through Christ", so let it be so as You look down on this imperfect life. In my own strength I am not much, but with You living on the inside of me Lord, I can do all things. I know the "whoever's" who are reading this didn't think they would get in on my prayer time. I didn't intend for it to be so either. Yet here I am and my thoughts turn toward Him; run after and thirst for Him as a deer pants for water; crying out to God for help, for joy, for purpose... and He is there with so much more.

What If...

2007-08-10T14:58:00.000-05:00

Oh my gosh! I just did something!! I was looking at my new Country Gardens magazine and so much enjoyed reading their 'Back To Nature' article. At the end of it, it gave an email address where you can send something you might want to be published. I thought... what if.... ? I browsed through my "Mama's Thoughts and Other Stuff" file, copied and pasted "Seasonal Observations" and pressed 'send'. Who knows if it will even be read, let alone published, but just to send something I have written with a remote possibility of it being published was a big deal for me. Hmmmm... what if? :0)

My Kids...

2007-08-10T11:47:00.000-05:00

My kids make my heart happy. Corey will laugh at that if he happens to read this, but it's true; totally and forever true! My kids make my heart happy. I was just sitting here at my computer and I have a photo of all eight of them on my desktop and they are beautiful! All together or each one individually as I look at their joyful faces; they make me smile. No two ways about it. I love that they are mine; I love that they are a blessing to others, that they are great parents and friends, and that they love each other. I love that they honor their father and that they love me too. I love hearing them laugh when we're all together and to hear their hearts when they have something important to say; something they are passionate about and believe is right and good. I may not have been the best mother in the world, though I wanted to be, but my kids turned out great! They are amazing adults and I can only give God glory for the outcome. When I look at my kids, I am brought... in the spirit, to my knees in worship; with a thankful heart that such wonderful gifts have been given to me.

This Earth Journey... A Long Dusty Road...

2007-08-08T10:41:00.000-05:00

Walking this earth journey as a follower of Jesus is interesting. Interesting in the way things seem to unfold... at least for me anyway, and since there's nothing new under the sun, I suppose this is the way it goes for others as well. I see this journey as a dusty road; maybe because the earth is made out of dirt, or maybe because a journey implies a path and a road or river is poetic in some way. Who knows? Anyway, a dusty road set in the mountains let's say. I love the mountains, but this road could also be in a desert. That could be a good object lesson I suppose, couldn't it? Well, my road through life is made out of dirt, not sand, and pictured in the mountains in my mind. It is sometimes smooth and straight, but not for long and not often. Rather, it gets very narrow with steep cliffs where the rocks begin to tumble and if we're not careful we could go for a spill beyond repair into the abyss of destruction. This road sometimes climbs so quickly the air seems thin, I can hardly breathe, and my legs feel like rubber; barely able to stand. The weather can change in an instant as I travel where God would lead; from sunshine and beautiful breezes with wild flowers brilliantly displaying their beauty, to dark and ominous black clouds, lightning, and rain so fast and heavy I can't see where to walk. I slip and slide and grasp onto whatever my hands are able to reach. Life is treacherous... unless we stay in our little comfort zones where nothing can touch us; where dull and uneventful walls hold us from the adventure of it all; but who wants to stay in that kind of prison? Fear can hold us there... or laziness. We can live to be one hundred and never experience all that God had in mind for us to enjoy or learn of Him, or we have the choice to venture out onto this sometimes surprisingly dangerous road where potential heartache and challenges beyond our ability to navigate lay in wait, but praise be to God, He is there; He has already gone before us and is lovingly waiting to hold us in the safety of His arms. He is faithful to walk along those steep cliffs so we won't fall; ready to be a Light in the darkness of the storms that come along. He carries us if we get too weary to walk and will reveal His beauty and glory at every mountain top. This life journey with the creator of all that is; what a wonderful road to take with Him.

Birthdays; Time is Fleeting...

2007-08-07T10:40:00.000-05:00

Hmmmmm... maybe the day before or the day after a birthday is better, when you are 50 something, than the actual day itself. I'm a big girl so surely I have outgrown this longing for birthday frivolity... but no, the childhood expectation of something wonderful and surprising sneaks in whether we like it or not; growing pains happen and we come face to face with the fact that no longer can we feel what we felt when we were six or sixteen. Getting older has somehow lost it's fascination and there is a certain melancholy sadness that falls when evening comes and the realization sets in confirming that another birthday was... well, it was just another day when it's all said and done. There are friends and family with their birthday wishes, "Happy Birthday" songs over the phone that bring a smile; a thoughtful note here and there, but at the end of the day, here I am... sitting alone in this quiet house. Wasn't it just a little while ago when the walls seemed to embrace the people I love with activity and laughter; the windows filled with light and the warmth of loving relationships? Time is such a brief encounter, isn't it? No longer are there balloons, silly games, and piles of presents in brightly colored paper. I suddenly want to shout, "It's too soon! I'm not ready to grow up!" Such is life, and no matter how hard we grasp at time; the shadows swallow up the day, and night comes with pitiful predictability. Ah, a glimmer of truth prevails however. Rest comes as well with the setting of the sun and then we somehow begin again. We have the choice to reach for something better!! Morning peeks through my lacy curtains and I find that life is good. Though our experiences drift and change with the passing of seasons and years, God surely has more; wonderful gifts, challenges, and amazing adventures more real than fleeting wrapping paper, baubles, play things, and knick knacks. So I say to myself, "Grow up! Make the most of your time, for time is precious!" I grab hold and pull myself out of the mire of self pity; the heaviness leaves and my feet feel light again. The sun faithfully begins to shine, revealing with clarity the beauty of what God has given. Why did I keep my eyes so low looking for those childhood memories to somehow come alive again when there were gifts far beyond my thinking right here; right now; all along?

Funny Kid Story...

2007-07-30T16:03:00.000-05:00

Martha came into the stadium a minute ago with her bubbly personality still intact. She's a co-worker whose office moved to a building on campus; far away from the rest of us who work here. We don't get to see Martha very much anymore and so much miss her funny stories... especially since she has become a grandmother. Today she had a Dylan story. He and his little brother go to a Christian daycare owned by a dear friend of theirs. They eat breakfast and lunch there so of course when they come home their mommy asked them what they had and how their day went. On this particular day, Maci asked Dylan, "What did you have for breakfast?" He said, "We had cupcakes." She thought he most likely meant 'muffins' so she said "Do you mean you had muffins for breakfast?" "No" he said. "They were cupcakes with icing and little bottles on top. Somebody was getting pregnant today, so we had cupcakes." Funny funny kids. I love it!

Upon Seeing the Dawn...

2007-07-30T14:22:00.000-05:00

Who but You Lord can make a sunrise?

Who can make a tree sing in the wind?

Can a man come forth

without the very breath of You?

Can love be perfected in any other way

except You give it?

Your morning beauty on the horizon

takes my breath away.

Tiny Treasures From Heaven...

2007-07-27T15:25:00.000-05:00

Tiny treasures; yet growing up right before our eyes. Having children is wonderful, but the experience of grandchildren is amazing in a different way. To see my babies having babies and to know their little ones are part of me is too... well, too wonderful for words. Allie came ten years ago and we were all fascinated with this little beauty who entered into our lives. She is now closer to a teenager than the baby she once was and still as beautiful, in a more grownup way. Then came Jack with his loving and tender heart; his desire to help whenever he sees a need will be a blessing throughout his life to many I'm sure. Several years went by with tiny ones in between who were lost before we knew them. I could have never imagined the sadness I felt at not ever getting to hold and love on these grandchildren, and the pain of watching my children who were going through such a loss to the depths of their souls was almost more than my heart could bear. We all survived with God's grace and loving-kindness all around; and then before we knew it, the good news came that we would have two more. Skyler and Cooper were born nine days apart and are two years old at the time of this writing. Sky is a bubbly active little girl full of words and innocent perceptions of life around her. Cooper is funny and tender hearted like his big brother. How could a little boy be so serious and so hilarious all in one moment? He has his own language at this point, but his mommy is a great interpreter; understanding him better than anyone else. Mommies are like that. Claire came along a year ago and we are about to share in her celebration tomorrow. Such a happy delightful little girl who, up until now anyway, has never seen the need to sleep much at all. Her mommy and daddy are very tired, but Claire Bear hasn't missed a thing in nearly 12 months, so of course, she is very very smart. Our newest addition; Mr. Asher Case came along 4 months after Claire and he is an absolute delight. No two ways about it. Always smiling with his winning grin that is quickly filling up with teeth month by month. Such a happy joyful baby boy. So my grandchildren have become one of the best things life has to offer, and my commitment to share in investing the love of Jesus; His ways and principles into their lives has become a priority as I live my life before them. Yes; they have ushered in a new season and I love them more than words could ever tell. As I was thinking about their names today and praying over each one; I jotted down some adjectives that I thought just fit. Amazing Allie who first named me her Gibbie; Joyous Jack who can make everyone smile with his hugs and tender heart. Then there is Scrappy Skyler... although I must admit I gave her the word Sparkly as well. Her eyes are so full of life and excitement at whatever she discovers next. Comical Cooper who truly does have a way of making all of us laugh with his funny ways and expressions. Cutie Claire is a bundle of energy as she toddles from here to there; running as fast as she can to see and explore whatever is in her path; realizing there is more to get into than she could have ever imagined. Adorable Asher is a cuddler; inquisitive and loving. All six have special and wonderful personalities and we are blessed as a family to have each one. These children God has blessed us with are a part of who we are and to think there are most likely more little ones to come. Oh the joy of it!

God's Best and God's Grace...

2007-07-24T10:08:00.000-05:00

We had fully intended to go to church, but around 9:15ish Darrell noticed a vine growing up into an oak tree that had come up volunteer next to the front fence a few years ago. He began pulling the intrusive vine out and I started helping. We have no excuse for what came next. The rose bush beside the driveway inside the picket fence caught our eye; it just looked so leggy and trashy, so Darrell got the pruning shears and started trimming; one thing led to another and before we knew it we were headlong into cleaning out that flower bed. BAM! It was 10:30 and we were both sweaty and dirty from our head down to our grimy little toes. We had somehow, once again, made the choice to not go to church. A cool morning in July (somewhat cool; coolness is relative, isn't it?) makes it easy to work outside rather than wait until the middle of the afternoon. We had a great morning; a prosperous yard morning, but we missed what God had to offer us to feast on at church and I'm sorry for that. I don't feel condemned, but rather that God is quietly and lovingly saying that I have a choice to make; a fork in the road and the potential to form new habits that may not be His best. We have missed so many Sundays for a couple years now for seemingly good reasons; some very good reasons and have even gone to church at times with our kids, but as Darrell and I sat out on the deck this past Sunday morning enjoying the out of doors, the birds singing and a cool breeze blowing; feeling good about the work we had accomplished; I told him that for the first time, I got a glimpse of his mom's way of thinking. Granny always said, "I work six days a week and Sunday is my day off to do what I want around my house and to rest." I see now that I had a very judgmental attitude toward her for that and was nothing more than a self-righteous stumbling block that may have kept me from loving her completely. It would be so easy to not go anywhere on Sundays because I'm tired and want to do anything besides sit in a chair again on my 'day off', but the better thing is to not forsake the fellowship of believers around His throne whether we sit or stand or dance or kneel before Him. I think we'll go to church this next Sunday morning... just because we can. It is not demanded of us and I know God still loves us, but for me, I think I'm missing out and the fog of apathy is falling heavy round my shoulders. Anyway, all that to say, I rejoice in the times when we have had God's blessing to just be together; to feel the freedom to take a break on a Sunday morning, but I pray for discernment and a sensitivity to the Holy Spirit to do God's best and not just what draws my attention and focus in the guise of something good. Such ramblings, but isn't that what a blog is for? To express our thoughts and to then be able to see more clearly why we are given this brief life on earth and to make sense of how to live it? We were made to worship Him and to love each other in the process. I love that about life!

Summer Musical Observations

2007-07-23T15:42:00.000-05:00

Sitting on the porch swing,

listening to the locusts sing their summer song

with a chorus of birds in God's natural harmony.

The wind directing it's orchestra of leaves and wind chimes...

and I watch as evening comes.

Billowy clouds sauntering across the blue with tinges of pink and orange;

a half moon high up and the excitement of catching a glimpse

of the first twinkling star.

Summer after summer, night after night

thankfulness bubbles up out of me for the faithfulness of this phenomena;

the peace I find in watching the day say good-bye

and the fire flies appear.

I Did It!!!!!!

2007-07-12T11:46:00.001-05:00

YEA!!!! I learned how to add pictures to my blog entries! I'm not quite sure how to place them just right, but let's just start out with the photo of the ones who I love more than life itself. "My Quiver Full"

I typed all your names as you are seen in the photo and this presumptuous blogger thing took it upon itself to put your names in alphabetical order. Good grief! So, for anyone who doesn't know my kids; they are, in order as shown at the ocean... Coby, Adrielle, Amy, Corey, Sara, Beau, Emily, and Allan. So there Mr. Computer.

A Good Word...

2007-07-12T11:03:00.000-05:00

A good prophetic word; not my own, yet I receive it as such. Lord, let me learn from Your beautiful creation the things You would teach me about You. Devastate me with Your love today; overwhelm me with who You are. Precious word...

Singing. Before dawn, I began to hear a lone bird singing. It was perched in its nest on the side of a building. Everything else was silent. Within a few minutes, the birds in the surrounding trees began to sing in great numbers. The Lord spoke these words: Be bold and declare my goodness and deliverance even if you have to do it alone. Others will follow. Testify of Me and exalt My name in all the earth. Declare your utmost dependence upon Me. Decree that I am your man of war. Watch how I will fight your battles for you. Stop whining; rather, speak faith and life. The Lord is My name. Singing.

Exodus 15:1-3 "Then Moses and the people of Israel sang this song to the LORD, saying, "I will sing to the LORD, for he has triumphed gloriously; the horse and his rider he has thrown into the sea. The LORD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him. The LORD is a man of war; the LORD is his name."

Oh how I do love it when God speaks to us through His creation. I'm an early riser, so I have heard this very scenario every morning. One little bird begins to sing his morning wake-up song; then another and another and another, until birds are singing everywhere and the sound of it is so beautiful. Oh that the world would hear a song of love to our God each day. It's only then that they might come and sing to Him as well.

Snakes...

2007-07-11T15:32:00.000-05:00

Speaking of snakes... there have been a few this rainy summer let me tell you. The thought used to terrify me and surprisingly... though I still do not care for the slithering reptiles, they are becoming common. I remember the year we moved to Central Texas. I was appalled at finding out we were living in the midst of the most broadly populated land of insects I could have ever dreamed or had nightmares about. Ticks, fleas, scorpions, various colors and sizes of beetles and spiders, etc. etc. We finally adjusted and faced those bugs head on by way of an exterminator and now here we are; living out in the country with snakes all around. The rain seems to have drawn them in, made them healthier and more abundant. I cannot count the number of pigeon eggs and baby squabs they have enjoyed or how many snake heads have been cut off when Darrell finds those pesky reptiles bunched up in a corner of his pigeon pen with that tell-tell lump in its middle. Chicken snakes, garden snakes, bull snakes, and unfortunately a few Copperheads. YIKES! Just day before yesterday my hubby and I were out walking; walking and sweating; sweating and walking when shhhhh... I saw it! Just ahead on the road in front of us and next to our very own yard. I grabbed Darrell's arm; it took him a few seconds to focus in on the thing that set off my mental alarm and blended so well with the pavement, but there it was; a huge and very long chicken snake; slithering along, stopping; sensing there might be danger close by. Barely moving at all thinking, I'm sure, that it had somehow become invisible. Darrell was carrying an old golf club in case he had to valiantly protect us from any fierce dogs on our little stroll through the neighborhood, but all of them are gone; thank the Lord! That's a different subject... back to the snakes. I begged him not to hurt the unsuspecting animal just lying there with no hands or feet, so he opted to play with it for awhile like an adventurous little boy, tormenting it as he pushed it around to see what it would do, scooping it up and slinging the thing across the road. It coiled and struck several times at the inanimate object that had become it's enemy. To no avail. Finally, the poor thing escaped into the grass and headed toward Mary Anne's house. I'm sure she would really appreciate that if she knew about it. Ah well, there are more snakes where that one came from and plenty to go around during this hot rainy summer. The love of my life will fill his quota I'm sure. Shhhhh... don't tell the girls he said. hahaha

What Am I Missing?....

2007-07-11T15:11:00.000-05:00

As I look around my little office space, the day after day focal point has truly become my trusty computer; a center for communication to the outside world; a way to cross over from my quiet world with sounds of familiar mechanical pecking as volumes of paper swoosh through all the printers stationed here and there throughout this department. The whrrrr of the hard drive and an occasional phone ringing besides my own; a page turned, occasional gum smacking, a cough here, a sneeze there... then silence. My computer is a friend of sorts; connecting me to other friends and family members; drawing us closer when staying far apart is the tempting thing to do while unconsciously submitting to the raging currents of busy lifestyles. The beauty around us can so easily become nothing but a multi-colored blur. I often wonder... what am I missing while I sit; my trusty computer and me.

Snakes, Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails...

2007-07-10T12:24:00.000-05:00

Some of you may or may not know about the ongoing saga regarding Smiley, the yard and/or neighborhood dog. Smiley was abandoned by her owners a few years ago and our little country neighborhood took her in. One neighbor eventually moved, so Smiley shares her days going back and forth between our house and Mary Anne's across the way. One day Smiley was sleeping on the cool sand beneath Darrell's truck when... WHAM! To my dear husband's horror, he first heard and then saw his tire resting on Smiley's leg. He got back in the truck and rolled off her. To our surprise there were no broken bones, but the wounds were deep and terrible. After a trip to the vet, two days of IV's with high-powered antibiotics, four meds, and what we call her 'bonnet' to keep her from licking her wounds; she's on the mend. A free surprise pet has now become a very valuable dog to say the least. You know the wood shop we were planning in the near future? Well, that has become Smiley's new name instead. She made her third trip to the vet yesterday and though the deep wound where the bone was exposed is healing, they felt it wasn't closing fast enough, so they put her out and stitched 'er up... cha-ching... another 158 bucks. That puts her worth significantly over $1000. Good grief! We would NEVER pay half that much for a dog for Pete's sake, but what else could we do? ... I don't want to hear it... The vet wants us to bring her back in two weeks, but my wise husband says, and I agree, that if we can tell the wound is healing well, we'll forgo that trip and hope for the best. The vet also "gave" us some ointment to put on 'Woodshop' twice a day for a mere $38 more. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Yeah, 'Woodshop' is a good and fitting doggie name, isn't it?

This Blog Thing...

2007-07-10T12:13:00.000-05:00

I am trying my darndest to figure out how to have a blog. This is complicated I can tell, but hopefully I'll have my thoughts up and running in no time. Lord knows I don't have the foggiest how to add a photo. If anyone reads this thing; let me know if you know how to do anything else to make my blog more interesting.

Still trying to figure it out...

2007-07-10T10:18:00.002-05:00

OK, this is the second time I've typed this second blog entry. HELP! I do not know how the heck some of the info on my profile got there... such as my age being 1956 for Pete's sake; I don't do the horoscope or zodiac thing, but there it is. Lord knows, I haven't the foggiest as to how to attach a photo, but would love to. Anyone read this? Feel free to send suggestions.