Pondering My Own Thoughts Again

Written in 2007

God Speaks To A Hungry Heart...

After our discussion about prayer last night during lifegroup, I was troubled and wondering. It seemed so many were floundering; not knowing what the will of God is in light of our own or other people's painful circumstances. So much heartache in the world around us and frustration that we are many times unable to make a difference through prayer. As I have been seeking God these past few weeks on this very subject; asking Him to examine and convict my heart of any nook or cranny that is not fully surrendered to Him; I believe He is showing me, at least on a personal level, some things about my walk of faith with Him. His Word is His will and if that is true, then we can not dispute what He says. We cannot put more faith in even a good man's experience rather than in God's Word that He "exalts above all His name", can we? He says, "I wish above all things that you would prosper and be in health even as your soul prospers." He says, "Lay hands on the sick and they WILL recover." Why aren't they recovering?! Saying that sometimes God is in cahoots with the enemy and that it is His will to kill, steal, and destroy to teach us a lesson just does not cut it for me. That does not bear witness in my spirit. I don't know all the answers, but I do know that in the fogginess of my heart and mind within this imperfect state in which I find myself; I am persuaded that if there are any flaws; they are mine, not God's. I see that truly, by the love of Him who lives in me that I must NEVER stop crying out to God for folks who are sick and hurting. How can we? We must never stop expecting to see miracles in this lifetime. I'd rather step out on the water with Jesus, sink, and let Him help me up again than to never step out at all. There's just nothing new under the sun, is there? Believers have struggled with the subject of faith since the beginning of time. Let me just say; I'm so glad I have people to walk with who genuinely seek to know more; who passionately desire to walk with Jesus intimately and are open to hearing Truth even if we thought we knew and understood, only to find out we didn't. God is breaking down walls, growing us up, purifying our hearts, and raising us to another level with Him in our faith I believe. I find myself wanting to be more committed than ever, but wondering if I've got the guts to sacrifice my time, energy, resources, my agenda; my question to myself is... Will I, in fact, die to my flesh in order to see the face of God? Will I put aside those things which so easily beset me in order to walk in His miraculous power and love and then share what He has given with others? Will I be humble enough to let go of my own thoughts or the teachings of good well-meaning people who may even love Jesus; in order to allow the Spirit of God to teach me Himself? Those are the questions I am asking myself today. So, I am encouraged. God is my strong tower; my help in times of trouble and when I do not understand, He carries me and draws me close to His heart. A friend who I have known for nearly thirty years and who has voiced these same struggles, emailed me just yesterday and shared a scripture from Hebrews 11:13 which brings life into perspective I think, "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth." We are passing through, aren't we? We will stand in faith because God is, not because we necessarily see with our eyes or touch with our hands. We walk with expectation of His manifested wonders, but are content to just be in His presence. Joy and blessing come even in the midst of the storms that rage around us, don't you think?

[*Oh my, how relevant these thoughts continue to be, and I'm still learning; still trusting and growing in my faith more than ever.]