Birthdays; Time is Fleeting...

Hmmmmm... maybe the day before or the day after a birthday is better, when you are 50 something, than the actual day itself. I'm a big girl so surely I have outgrown this longing for birthday frivolity... but no, the childhood expectation of something wonderful and surprising sneaks in whether we like it or not; growing pains happen and we come face to face with the fact that no longer can we feel what we felt when we were six or sixteen. Getting older has somehow lost it's fascination and there is a certain melancholy sadness that falls when evening comes and the realization sets in confirming that another birthday was... well, it was just another day when it's all said and done. There are friends and family with their birthday wishes, "Happy Birthday" songs over the phone that bring a smile; a thoughtful note here and there, but at the end of the day, here I am... sitting alone in this quiet house. Wasn't it just a little while ago when the walls seemed to embrace the people I love with activity and laughter; the windows filled with light and the warmth of loving relationships? Time is such a brief encounter, isn't it? No longer are there balloons, silly games, and piles of presents in brightly colored paper. I suddenly want to shout, "It's too soon! I'm not ready to grow up!" Such is life, and no matter how hard we grasp at time; the shadows swallow up the day, and night comes with pitiful predictability. Ah, a glimmer of truth prevails however. Rest comes as well with the setting of the sun and then we somehow begin again. We have the choice to reach for something better!! Morning peeks through my lacy curtains and I find that life is good. Though our experiences drift and change with the passing of seasons and years, God surely has more; wonderful gifts, challenges, and amazing adventures more real than fleeting wrapping paper, baubles, play things, and knick knacks. So I say to myself, "Grow up! Make the most of your time, for time is precious!" I grab hold and pull myself out of the mire of self pity; the heaviness leaves and my feet feel light again. The sun faithfully begins to shine, revealing with clarity the beauty of what God has given. Why did I keep my eyes so low looking for those childhood memories to somehow come alive again when there were gifts far beyond my thinking right here; right now; all along?