His Work or Am I Dillusional?

Psalm 139: 1-4

O Lord, you have searched me[thoroughly] and have known me.

You know my downsitting and my uprising;

You understand my thought afar off

You sift and search out my path and my lying down,

and You are acquainted with all my ways.

For there is not a word in my tongue [still unuttered],

but, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

I am seeking answers from You today Lord, so here are my questions; questions I know you are already familiar with. You know the answer I am searching for before I can put my thoughts in order to arrange my words toward Your ear. I miss my family. My children and grandchildren need me and I seem so unavailable. Am I working this 8:00-5:00 job in my own strength or is working here an act of obedience? Is it faith to stay until all my ducks are in a row before I spread my wings and fly or is it stepping out in faith to stop and go after what makes me most happy? Is what makes me most happy Your will or my own desire? One question leads to another, doesn't it; all the while wanting more than anything to be where You are Lord. Sweet relief... "Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these other things will be added to you." You are always my answer when there are questions. So Lord, are You saying that if I seek You I will find You and isn't it in You I live and move and have my being; in You I find abundance and joy unspeakable? Help me to remain in You and then run wherever it is you are going; whether within the walls of this job or in all the possibilities that seem to be waiting outside it. Be my first love today and satisfy me with all that You are. You do not give a spirit of confusion or fear; You bring peace and order to my life... simplicity, resting in Your presence, serving and loving those around me. Let it all be for Your glory alone. In my weakness and frailty I say... please help me to not miss what it is You are doing as the years go by. Help my unbelief. Where I am faithless in places I hold onto rather than trusting You, increase my faith to let go! God forbid that I would get up, go to work, eat, sleep and do this over and over as the sun comes and goes... until my spirit leaves my body to be no more on this earth! You've called me to first love You and in doing this I can be a blessing to my husband, children and grandchildren. I can be the friend and neighbor You have called me to be if I abide in You, can't I? Help me not lose sight of my life in You today.