Ponderings of Sadness vs. Walking Joyfully With Him...

Circumstances may never change, but God remains faithful. Now in that we can rejoice and be glad. He is moving regardless of what we do or don’t do. Whether we come along beside Him, as He surely longs for us to do, or choose to go our own way remaining on the outside looking in; muddling along in our own strength with our own agendas. Still He moves in power and love to unfold His plan for His people. I know He continues to draw us ever closer to His ways and purposes, but there are moments in time when the darkness weighs heavy and it’s hard to see or feel His presence. I have struggled at times throughout my life with loneliness and even depression. I have some thoughts about this, but no matter what the root cause, we know as believers, the enemy of our souls does not win! If God be for us, who can be against us? God has made us MORE than conquerors through Jesus who loves us and gave His life for us. He is the lifter of our heads and our help in times of trouble, isn’t He? He is our peace that breaks down every wall and our hope; the author and finisher of our faith. His love covers a multitude of sin and His grace is sufficient. He is our strength, our redeemer, our new beginning, and the answer to all our prayers. I love these words of life; I cling to them with everything that is in me and find speaking God’s creative Word does just that; it brings life to my soul. I am able to put on a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness and find joy unspeakable and full of glory; not because anything has changed around me, but joy comes because of who He is inside me. God accepts us like we are, but He also empowers us to change into His likeness. What a glorious God we serve! His loving-kindness is better than life. Of course we WILL follow Him. Who can resist such amazing love? Who would want to if they really understood? Lord, help us to see today the depth, breadth, height, and width of your love.

When that heavy cloud over my mind presses in I find that moving to a place of worship within myself dispels the darkness and Light can enter in. There are times when I allow the enemy to gain a foothold in my life when I let daily cares steal away the Word that has been sown in my heart. Yes, I am guilty and, of course, I cannot live righteously alone. There are things I need to do better, like putting my Jesus time first every morning rather than doing all my morning ‘stuff’ thinking I’ll get it all done and then have more undistracted time with Him. Sounds good, but it’s not working. I need fellowship/community with other believers and when I don’t see that happening, a sadness that is hard to shake creeps in. Isolation comes as wallowing in sadness seems easier than seeking out a friend. See, I know a lot of right answers, but don’t always walk very well in the Truth I know. Too many times I long for what I don’t have instead of enjoying what God has blessed me with. None of this may make an ounce of sense, but help comes in voicing all this junk swirling around inside my heart and soul. Just when I think I’ve worked through all ‘my issues’ (everybody has them) and can find contentment in just knowing Jesus and His love for me, then WHAM!! Those same feelings of loneliness, unworthiness, uselessness, unacceptance, etc. raise their ugly heads and do a number on my mind and emotions. I feel trapped in my own disobedience and you’d think I’d see it coming by now; pull the rug out from under that lying devil once and for all. I so much want to be wholly and completely HIS; belonging fully to God… heart, soul, and body. I want to want to stay at His feet and sometimes I’m successful at it. The spiraling down comes when I falter and don’t do what I know to do, but what I don’t want to do. Seems we’ve heard that same pattern of behavior from Paul in his writings to the Church so long ago, haven’t we? There really is NOTHING new under the sun. The same struggles have plagued the hearts of men and women from the beginning of time and we fight within ourselves to this day in that very same battle. LORD HELP!!... and He is faithful.

“The voice of God descends
Into the darkness of my soul.
He calls my name;
Gently lifts me up and up
Until I see the Light,
And run with Him once more.”

*Written at seeing the faithfulness of God... again ~ JS