A Peace-filled Morning...

Before I tell about being overwhelmed with peace, I will first tell you... well, I'll tell anyone who might listen... about the struggle and my ongoing questions. I actually wrote this last Saturday while spending time in worship and surrounded by God's beautiful creation.

Why this continuing struggle when I know the answer to it all? ... at least I know Him who IS the answer, yet at this remarkable young age of 59 I stumble at times like a little girl. I stumble often; pulled among the choices, chores, and desires that constantly bombard my mind. So here I am on a Saturday morning. I could get ready for the day... you know; hair, makeup, clothes... make the bed, start the laundry, etc. etc. The list could go on and on for this wife/mom/Gibbie/housekeeper/yard woman who is passionate about making a house a home, with a desire... a frustrated NEEEED to be all she can be and never attaining that goal. There is a wonderful Women's Conference in town this weekend that I thought I would go to, but in truth, the excitement was never there for some reason and I was thinking, "What's wrong with me?" This is a conference that has been prayed over and planned for, for months in advance. Thousands of women have braved the storm; this deluge of excessive rain, in order to get to our city, yet I did not choose to be involved.

Life got in the way;

or did God have something different for me today?

So, here I am on the back porch... rather content and with joy I write what is bubbling in my heart. What might have been hasn't happened and that's OK. In my mind, before today, I should have been part of the prayer team interceding and prayer walking concerning what is hoped to be the beginnings of a great revival; a turning back to God in our city. At one point I had visions of all my girls worshipping together with me; with hungry hearts and an anticipation for what and how God would move... Freeze that frame and put an X across it with the sound of screeching brakes. That is NOT what is going on today, but maybe... at least in my own personal life and world, I'm thinking, "Could it be something greater and more intimate?" My girls, like me, are seeking God, walking with Him and living life as best they know how for His Glory. None of us are perfect at this, but we press on, and we press on usually without each other in the same picture. So, all that to say, here I am with the dogs and the pigeons; listening to the whistle of an occasional train right smack dab in the middle of an incredible morning and God is here; right here with me! Isn't that something? His presence at this very moment is astounding and real. Lord, help me to enjoy Your presence, Your friendship and Your Lordship in this quiet moment. Let everything else fade away except You, for You are my first love; You are the One I run to with my stumbling, loneliness, and inadequacies. I lay all my "stuff" down because I see You and I want to run full blast into Your arms with NOTHING in mine. I want to embrace You without the weight of any of the clutter that surrounds me. Here I am on the back porch and I see You Lord; I sense You in the fragrance of the rain and in the feel of the soft breeze this morning. I see the beauty of Your holiness in that Oak tree right in front of me. Hummingbirds speak of Your perfect care with the buzz of their tiny little wings. They drink from the flowers on a meandering vine You created just to feed them and for my pleasure. I am at peace and I now know that I wouldn't have missed our morning together for anything in the world Jesus. I can rejoice in what You are doing a few miles away in a conference among thousands and I can rejoice in what You have done in my heart... right here on my back porch in Your presence. I am blessed.